Life From Tragedy
by rebakathy
Summary: Addison faces her fears and asks Preston for an odd favor. 19 Up!
1. I've Often Thought Of Death

**I am an Addison fan, this chapter kind of doesn't show that but I am. I like Meredith but she is entirely too whiny for my tastes a lot of the time. Like Beauty inthe Breakdown has said or maybe I've said itin my head, we know next to nothing about Adi or her relationship with Derek to judge too harshly. I will try towrite Meredith the best I can,kay? If you keep an open mind we shall all get along swimingly.**

**Now I know next to nothing about the OR suit and how the doors work and stuff but just go with it, please.**

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1>

I'd often wondered about death

I see it everyday of my life and yet I have never understood it. Where do we go when we die? Is there a Heaven or a Hell for that matter? Are we reborn into a higher plane of existence or do we just cease to exist, fade into nothingness?

This train of thought, I realize, is entirely too philosophical for the situation but when is a better time to contemplate death when you, yourself, are facing death?

I'd often wondered about my _own _death.

Would I live to a ripe old age and go to sleep never to wake up again? Would I have a stroke at the age of fifty from entirely too much stress? Would I step out of my house, hotel as the case may be, to be hit by a bus?

No. That is not the fate that will befall yours truly Addison Sheppard.

My fate is worse than all of that I think. The bus scenario is actually sounding pretty good right aboutnow and I almost laugh at that but realize how inappropriate _that_ would be in the moment. Then, again, maybe hysterical laugher is warranted when you are looking down the barrel of a gun that is pointed at your head.

Currently I am standing on my knees with my hands above my head trying not to burst into that hysterical laughter I just mentioned. It takes almost everything I have not to do _just _that.

My life is a three-ringed circus sometimes.

I'd often wondered if your life would flash before your eyes as you awaited your fate. Would you see all of your triumphs, and alternately all of your failures? I had a lot of failures in my life to be sure. Oh sure there were happy times, like graduating from Harvard the top of my class, meeting Derek, our wedding...our...no.

I failed Derek.

I failed myself more.

The _affair_.

That is such a dirty word. I didn't _have _an affair. I had a one-night stand. Yes, it was with Derek's best friend, in our own home, but it was that one night. Does Derek know this?

No.

He just packed up his things and left, went across the country to get away from me. I understand his reasoning, his anger, and his disappointment. I really do. I felt all of those things toward myself, but did he ever let me explain why?

No.

What I wouldn't give to be able to tell him everything. It won't change what I did, or the fact that he probably will never forgive me...but it might help him understand a little better. To...maybe not hate me so much.

It looks like a probably won't get that chance. I watch rather impassively as the man with the gun tenses his finger around the trigger. What would it take for him to pull it I wonder? Would I feel the gunshot as it tore into my scull, would I hear the gunshot? I'm sure there is going to be pain. Or is there? Do you die immediately? With a start I realize the gunman is talking to me.

"What," I managed to get out around the lump in my throat, "I didn't catch what you said."

I look up into the eyes of the man that literally holds my fate in his hands. His eyes are cold. That's what comes to my mind when I look in his eyes. There are devoid of anything human. Some would say that about me.

"It's really very clichéd," the man states to me in a tone of voice as if he's speaking to a five year old, "But do you have any last words?"

Last words?

I straighten a little at this question? If I could leave some immortal words behind what would they be? Should I declare my undying love to Derek? Tell him how incredibly sorry I am.

I shift my eyes upward into the surgery box that looks down upon the OR suit. There I see people watching helpless, as they can do nothing for me. The gunman has locked us away in this room. My eyes meet Derek's and I can't tell exactly what he's thinking. I used to be able to know, just by looking in his eyes, what his mood was.

My eyes go back to the man in front of me. Licking my incredibly dry lips I speak.

"I have many regrets in my life, some that I won't get forgiveness for, and rightly so. The one thing I regret most," I close my eyes, "Is that my husband will never know why. He'll never know why I made the single greatest mistake of my life. I just...wish he would have let me tell him before abandoning me."

There, those are some pretty good last words if I do say so myself. Opening my eyes I see the gunman looking down at me. It's a curious expression. He wonders about the meaning behind my words. Like I would tell him. The gunman shrugs his shoulders as he came to the same conclusion.

"Touch your head to the ground with your arms out in front of you."

I hear banging of the glass above as I bend down spreading my arms out in front of me, palms down, with my head on the floor. Even through the glass I can hear people shouting. Who knew they cared so much for me. Certainly not me. I feel the gun pressed to the back of my head and await my fate. I wait perhaps a few minutes without something happening.

"Problems," I can't help but asking

"Sit up."

I do that placing my hands in my laps while still on my knees. The gun is once again in my face.

"I want to know why?"

"What?"

"You cheated on your husband," he remarked stating the obvious, "You wanted him to know why you did. This is your chance to tell him. I don't think he's going to leave you now, even if he does hate you."

I clear my throat not knowing where to start.

"Um...he thinks it was an affair," I manage to stutter, "It wasn't. An affair denotes time. Weeks, months...years."

"It was a one night stand wasn't it," the gunman speaks with surprising insight into my mind

"Yes."

"You still cheated," he points out

"I was drunk...more drunk than I'd ever been. I don't even remember most of the night."

"Anyone in their right mind wouldn't have gone to bed with someone in such a state."

I shrug to this.

"Sounds to me like you were taken advantage of."

I'd often thought that myself.

"Why were you so drunk?"

"I was upset...sad...heartbroken."

"Why?"

I sigh, "Two weeks before I had been ready to tell my husband some wondrous news but he blew me off to fly around the world to do some research project."

"He didn't want to hear your wondrous news?"

I shake my head, "We'd been having some problems and I thought that what I was going to tell him may bring us back together."

"Go on."

I suddenly have to blink back the tears that have begun to pool behind my eyes. I had never told anyone about this. Here I was telling a guy that was holding me hostage with probably half the staff of this hospital watching, including my husband.

"The news that I had to tell him was that I was pregnant," I mange to get out without breaking into tears, "Pregnant with his child."

I can't help but smile at the thought that I was pregnant.

"I was hurt that he wouldn't stay long enough for me to tell him that," I went on, "So I went along with my business knowing I would get another chance to tell him."

"But you didn't?"

"The very next day I got into a car accident. When I woke in the very hospital that I worked in every day I was told 'Addison you are going to be fine, just fine...but'."

"You'd lost the baby."

Those tears broke free and cascaded down my face.

"I'd lost the baby."

"How far along were you?"

"Six weeks. I couldn't reach Derek to tell him the news. I wasn't sure if I could tell him. How do you tell a man that you were pregnant with his first child only to tell him that you'd lost that child? Grief consumed my being after this. Derek would be coming home in a week but I didn't know how to face him. I began drinking to just stop the pain for a little while. On the night that I was more drunk than I'd ever been _he _showed up, Derek's best friend," I bite my lip to hold back the sob that is about to let loose, "The rest everyone knows," I snort at this as I swipe at my tears, "Or they know what Derek, however uninformed,

told them."

I don't dare look up to see the reaction of those watching. I do see the reaction of the gunman. He has a particularly sympathetic look on his face. I don't want his sympathy. I just want the pain to end. I see the look in his eyes change as if understood what I was thinking. With a shake of the hand holding the gun he points me back down to my previous position.

"Do you still love your husband?"

"Yes," I say without hesitation

"Now he knows," the gunman states magnanimously, "What he does with that information is up to him entirely."

I don't say anything to this and once again feel the gun press to the back of my head. This time I don't have to wait for I hear the gunshot. At least now I knew if you would hear the gunshot before you died.

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**Now leaving it there would probably make some happy but it would just be evil on my part as I stated above, I _like _Addison. The next chapter is Derek's POV of the same scene.**


	2. I've Often Thought Of Death Deux

**A little more insight into the previous chapter. Warning, violence...I should have had that in the previous chapter, oh well, you figured it out. I know a lot of people shorten her name to Addi but I like it with one D better; Adi, go figure.**

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Part Deux

Derek POV

> 

We watch in helpless agony as the husband of a patient of Addison's holds her hostage down in the surgery suit. We are all up in the surgery box watching in horror. The patient, a woman by the name or Ramona Jensenhad died during the surgery to save their baby, as had the baby. Mr. Jensen had gone quite mad. He had left only to return with a gun. He had forced Addison into the very place where his wife had died. He had barricaded them in there and forced Addison to her knees. I could see the absolute looks of terror in her eyes as the gun was pointed at her face.

Surprisingly Mr. Jensen said very little. He just stood impassively with the gun to Adi's head while she looked at the gun that was in front of her face.

They say your life flashes before your eyes in the moment of your death. I wasn't facing death but I saw my life...our life flash before my eyes. I can't help but reflect on that night. The night I found the love of my life with my best friend. I tried not to dwell on it but I couldn't help it. I always felt something was off with that night. Adi didn't react the way I thought she would.

Instead of pleading with me that what I had just seen was a mistake, telling me she was sorry she had just burst into tears and stumbled into the bathroom. I had retreated before _he _could say anything. I had fled across the country to get away from her, get away from the memory of what she'd done to me.

I jolt as I realize Mr. Jensen is saying something to Addison. She apparently doesn't hear him either because she asks him what he said.

"It's really very clichéd," Jensen says as if he's speaking to a five year old, "But do you have any last words?"

That really is clichéd. I see Addison frown at this question and shift her eyes up to stare at me. I don't want her to see how much watching this is agony for me so I put up the shields I had built.

Addison licks her lips and goes on, "I have many regrets in my life, some that I won't get forgiveness for, and rightly so. The one thing I regret most," she closes her eyes, "Is that my husband will never know why. He'll never know why I made the single greatest mistake of my life. I just...wish he would have let me tell him before abandoning me."

What is she talking about? What was there to explain? She cheated on me with my best friend. End of story. Wait. Could there have been more to the story than I originally thought?

"Touch your head to the ground with your arms spread out in front of you," Jensen speaks in a low voice

I jump as Izzie throws herself against the glass screaming obscenities at the man below. Webber and George are also banging on the glass as we watch Addison do what the man told her to do. I wasn't aware that Izzie and George felt so much for my wife. Hold up. Do I still consider Addison my wife?

Apparently so.

I close my eyes not being able to watch this. After a few minutes of nothing I hear Adi's voice. Her sweet beautiful voice.

"Problems?"

It's just like her to be so bold in the face of this.

"Sit up."

Addison sits up on her knees and once again face the gun in her face.

"I want to know why?"

"What?"

"You cheated on your husband," he remarked stating the obvious, "You wanted him to know why you did. This is your chance to tell him. I don't think he's going to leave you now, even if he does hate you."

Wait. Why does this guy want to want to know why Addison cheated on me. It doesn't matter. Addison though looks grateful. Whether it is a short reprieve from her death or having me know the truth isn't clear. Perhaps it's a little of both.

"Um...he thinks it was an affair," she manages to stutter, "It wasn't. An affair denotes time. Weeks, months...years."

"It was a one night stand wasn't it," Jensen speaks

"Yes."

One night stand. How did I not ever know this?

"You still cheated," he points out

"I was drunk...more drunk than I'd ever been. I don't even remember most of the night."

She doesn't remember most of that night. Her reaction to me walking in is starting to make a little more sense.

"Anyone in their right mind wouldn't have gone to bed with someone in such a state."

Addison merely shrugs to this as my mind is starting to panic over what it is starting to learn.

"Sounds to me like you were taken advantage of."

Oh.

My.

God.

Jensen is right. She was taken advantage of and then was abandoned by me without getting to explain.

"Why were you so drunk?"

"I was upset...sad...heartbroken."

"Why?"

That is a question that I really need to know.

She sighs, "Two weeks before I had been ready to tell my husband some wondrous news but he blew me off to fly around the world to do some research project."

I remember that. She seemed really happy about something. I brushed her off because I was in a rush to get this latest project done.

"He didn't want to hear your wondrous news?"

She shakes her head, "We'd been having some problems and I thought that what I was going to tell him may bring us back together."

My heart has started to go a mile a minute.

"Go on."

I watch as Addison's eyes fill with tears. Even from this distance I can see her beautiful eyes tearing up.

"The news that I had to tell him was that I was pregnant," she gets out without breaking into tears, "Pregnant with his child."

My heart drops low in my chest.

"I was hurt that he wouldn't stay long enough for me to tell him that," she went on, "So I went along with my business knowing I would get another chance to tell him."

"But you didn't?"

"The very next day I got into a car accident. When I woke in the very hospital that I worked in every day I was told 'Addison you are going to be fine, just fine...but'."

Oh god there had to be a but.

"You'd lost the baby."

Those tears broke free and cascaded down her face.

"I'd lost the baby."

"How far along were you?"

"Six weeks. I couldn't reach Derek to tell him the news. I wasn't sure if I could tell him. How do you tell a man that you were pregnant with his first child only to tell him that you'd lost that child? Grief consumed my being after this. Derek would be coming home in a week but I didn't know how to face him. I began drinking to just stop the pain for a little while. On the night that I was more drunk than I'd ever been _he _showed up, Derek's best friend," she bit her lip to hold back the sob that was about to let loose, "The rest everyone knows," she snorts at this as she swipes at her tears, "Or they know what Derek, however uninformed, told them."

I can't help but flinch at this. She went through so much pain that I never knew about. Was pregnant with our child only for me to brush her off when she tried to tell me. She lost the child only to not be able to reach me. She was taken advantage of someone that should have known better. I jumped to the wrong conclusion and left her in the time that she needed me most.

I watch as Jensen motions with the gun for Adi to go back to her previous position and places the gun against the back of her head.

"Do you still love your husband?"

"Yes," she says without hesitation

"Now he knows," the Jensen states magnanimously, "What he does with that information is up to him entirely."

The guilt is threatening to overwhelm me and I want to look away but I owe it to Addison to show the same courage that she has held through all of this. Jensen takes a breath and pulls the trigger and this time I am out of my seat banging on the glass as I see her body go limp. Tears are streaming down my face as I watch Jensen kneel down. He gently turns Addison over and I see that her eyes are still open.

I almost miss it.

She blinked.

She wasn't dead.

Jensen nodded at her and put the gun to his own head pulling the trigger. He pitched to the side big time dead. I race out of the box and down the to the suit as fast as I can. There I see the police trying to get the door open. I race at it full tilt with all of the strength within my body and soul and go crashing into it not caring about the searing pain in my shoulder. All I care about is that the door is unblocked and I am at Addison's side.

She is staring listlessly above her and her eyes don't move when I shift into her line of sight. I feel a pulse and it is there, barely. I don't have to shout any orders as there is already a gurney being lowered to her and she is shifted on to it.

Blood.

There is so much blood.

We rush out of the OR and into an exam room where I am barred from entering. I find myself sobbing as I slide down the wall. I feel someone sink down beside me and look through bleary eyes to see Izzie staring at me. She had dropped to her knees besides me.

"You knew didn't you," I ask attempting to quell my tears

She cocks her head to the side.

"About what really happened," I clarified

Izzie looked away for a moment and her eyes returned to me, "I did."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't mine to tell," she states simply, "And it was something that you should have known."

I can't help but flinch at this again. She's right. I should have stayed to find out why my wife of nearly twelve years, someone I've known for half of my life cheated on me. It was so out of character, I realize now, for her to even think of being unfaithful to me. However unhappy we were she never would have resorted to that.

Hindsight and all that really sucks.

"Leaving was the easier thing than staying and fighting for your life wasn't it," Izzie asks

I hear no accusation or recrimination in her voice. She is simply asking a question to which I can only nod to. Before Izzie could say more Bailey steps out of the trauma room and we get to our feet.

"We're moving her up to surgery," Bailey says softly

"Will she be okay?"

I should know enough not to ask that question. Addison was shot point-blank in the back of the head. How is she supposed to be okay from that?

"It's too early to tell," Bailey exclaims

That wasn't the answer I was expecting.

"Can I see her before you take her?"

Bailey nods her head and I am led into the room where I see Addison lying on her left side with thick bandages around her head and a tube down her throat to help her breath. How could I ever think that I didn't love this woman? How could I ever think that she'd cheat on me? I watch the monitors and for the moment I am content by the fact that she's reasonably stable.

More stable than she should be in this situation.

I'm not going to look this particular gift horse in the mouth though. I haven't prayed in a long time but I find myself trying to recall every prayer I ever heard. Prayers in triplicate probably won't do any more good than a single prayer, but it can't hurt. I move closer to the bed and take Addison's hand, which is very cold.

I warm it between my own, "Hey Adi. When you wake up I'm never going to stop telling you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. Okay? You just have to wake up and give me that look you always give me when I'm being particularly annoying."

"Derek," comes softly from Bailey who appeared at my side, "We need to go."

I nod my head and turn to Addison. I don't really want to let go of her hand. George steps up beside me and gently takes Addison's hand out of mine and into his own. I can't say how much that gesture touches me. He silently nods at me as I step back further and allow them to pass, taking my beloved with them.

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**There we go, how's that. Remember this is my first GA fic and be gentle.**


	3. Snippets

Snippets of Truth

"I think I'm going to have nightmares for eternity," George states as he, Christina and Izzie were all huddled together in the locker room

"Same here," Izzie responds

Christina just nodded her head.

"Do you think that we should call Meredith," George asks hesitantly

Christina gives him a look; "She's already dealing with enough on her plate right now."

"She's not Satan you know," Izzie starts, "Addison I mean. Her confession before...before proves that she was the one that was harmed the most."

Christina rested her head on her hand, "The poor woman was basically raped by someone who should have cared for her."

"I'd hate to be him right now," Alex states coming over to them

They all look up at him.

"Why do you say that?"

"I just heard doctor Sheppard call up his former best friend and request that they bury the hatchet as it were."

"Yeah bury it in the guys back," Christina snorts

"Thus the hating to be that guy right now."

"Any news," George asks of Alex seeing as how the two had made amends, they had all made amends

Alex sat down on the bench in front of the trio who were camped out on the floor.

"They are just now getting her situated into her room. She's in a coma."

"But she's alive," Izzie states, "That's something."

"It certainly is something," Bailey commented coming over to the group

Christina, George and Izzie started to get up but they were waved back down.

"You guys should go home and try to get some rest."

"I think the 'I'm going to have nightmares for eternity' comment bares repeating," Izzie muttered with a shrug

Bailey leaned herself up against the lockers, "I understand but you should at least try."

"When will you rest," George asked softly

Bailey sighed, "When I know that Addison is a little more stable."

"Do you think she'll ever wake up," Alex asked

Bailey frowned at this, "I don't know. I hope so."

"What she'll be like if and when she wakes up is the question though," Christina responded, "She's bound to have some kind of brain damage. I mean you don't escape being shot in the head unscathed...do you?"

"There is always those medical miracles," Bailey answered

"I didn't think you believed in those."

Bailey smiled gently, "I think we all do...to a certain extent. Now you kids go home before I throw you out myself."

She got halfhearted smile out of the four, and that, was certainly something.


	4. Laughter and Coffee

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>Izzie 

After a very brief attempt at getting some sleep I find myself gravitating back to the hospital. As quietly as I can I slip into the room where they moved Addison. I sometimes wonder when I stopped thinking of her as Satan, or Doctor Montgomery-Sheppard for that matter to just Addison.

Possibly after I realized that what she did to me with that baby was a lesson that we should all learn. Maybe when she invited George and I out for coffee, which we reluctantly agree to, I mean she _was _still Satan at the time. I was starting to like her and I knew George was tired of the whole Meredith and McDreamy thing so he said yes.

I smile every time I think of that lunch. Addison kept George and I in stitches doing her impressions of people like the Chief and Burke and Bailey. Who knew she had such a wicked sense of humor.

"_I have a wild side," Addison had shrugged giving us that brilliant smile of hers_

"_So we're starting to notice," George had smiled back_

This was four months ago and we had started to make these lunches once a week, of course we never told Meredith, not that she was an off limits topic or anything, we just didn't want her to think we were abandoning her. She _really _would have thought that when we brought Christina in on our lunches. I still remember the day that George and I asked her to come; of course we had to tell her the truth after she remarked how she thought George and I were having an affair by sneaking off together.

"_We aren't having an affair," George had blurted and then quiet, "And if we were we wouldn't need to sneak off to do it. We live in the same house."_

_Christina had frowned at this because George did make a good point._

"_And why would we only go off together every Wednesday at noon?"_

_He made another good point._

"_Well I want to know where you guys are going."_

_Looking around George and I had dragged her off to the supply closet._

"_Both of you dragging me in here isn't going to be suspicious?"_

"_Do you want to know or not?"_

_She held up her hands, "Do tell."_

"_We go to lunch with Addison every Wednesday."_

"_You two eat lunch with Satan every week?"_

"_She isn't Satan and yes," George remarks with a bit more vehemence than I suppose Christina was expecting if the look on her face was any indication_

"_You should come," I suddenly speak up_

"_Why," Christina asks_

"_It's fun," George speaks_

_Christina looks dubious at this._

"_Just come to one lunch," I say, "We can probably get her do to her impression of Burke."_

_Her eyes lit up at this, "She does an impression of Burke?"_

_George and I both nodded, "She's hilarious," George, exclaims, "Last week I laughed so hard that coffee came out my nose."_

_Christina laughs at this._

"_It hurt," George pouts but I can see the sparkle in his eyes_

"_Okay, one lunch," Christina concedes, "But if Grey finds out about this..."_

"_Our fault," I say with a wide smile_

Christina had come with us to a lunch and she had stuck with us ever since.She soon found that Addison had her kind of sense of humor. Perfectly tasteful at times but totally in the gutter the next.

As my eyes land upon the woman that brought so much laughter to my life I can't help the tears that well up in my eyes. She's lying deathly still; her head is swathed in bandages from the surgery that had to be done to extract the bullet from her brain. The thing that makes my throat catch is when I look at the respirator that is giving her oxygen. There were some complications during the surgery and she wasn't able to breath on her own anymore. She has to make it.

"I can't imagine never hearing your laughter again," I whisper from her bedside

"What was that," a voice asks making me jump

I whirl around to see Doctor Sheppard sitting in a chair in a dark corner of the room.

"What," I ask with a hand to my chest

"What was it you just said to her?"

I clear my throat swiping at my eyes, "I can't imagine never hearing your laughter again," I repeat

He cocks his head to the side, "You know her a lot better than just co-workers."

"We're friends," I comment standing a little straighter

McDreamy...er Derek sighs and gets to his feet stepping to the other side of the bed taking Addison's hand.

"I really am an idiot aren't I?"

I raise an eyebrow at this.

"It's okay."

"You really are," I answer after a moment

"This won't be hard for you?"

I'm not sure what he means exactly by that.

"Me being back with Addison knowing that it is going to break Meredith's heart."

Ah, that's what he means.

"You were never really hers to begin with," I state pragmatically, "It all depends on whether Addison will take you back."

He looks up at me as if that's not what he was expecting for me to say.

"What?"

"You say that like you know she's going to wake up."

"Of course she is," I answer with far more conviction than I really feel, "I refuse to believe that someone as strong as Addison can be stopped."

The man in front of me smiles slightly, "Shouldn't you be at home sleeping?"

"I tried that," I speak softly, "It didn't work out so well."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I closed my eyes I would hear the gunshot, see her fall."

Sheppard nods his understanding, "Me too."

"No offense," I start after a moment's silence, "But you are really starting to smell kind of ripe and I don't think that's something that Addison should wake up to."

I see the corners of his mouth quirk just a bit and he nods his head, "You'll stay with her?"

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," I answer softly

He leaves the room with a backward glance at his sleeping beauty. I grab the chair that he had been sitting in and move it closer to the bed.

"So that's quite a bit of drama we had earlier," I start finding the need to talk to her even if she couldn't talk back, "It's okay though. Tomorrow is Wednesday you know. We haven't missed one lunch in nearly five months and we aren't about to stop now. If you can't go to the lunch, the lunch will just to have to come to you.

Of course, people are probably going to find out about our little tradition but in the grand scheme of things, that's okay," I sigh, "Alex and I decided to remain friends because every time we try to be something more it gets entirely too complicated."

"I thought I'd find you hear," a voice speaks from behind me

I turn to see Christina and George standing in the doorway. They enter and I turn back to Addison who hadn't moved a single muscle.

"Doctor Sheppard went to go shower and change because he was getting a little ripe and I'm keeping her company."

"What were you talking about," Christina asks taking the stool that's near the other side of the bed while George kneels down next to me

"I was telling her how Alex and I decided to be friends."

"Amen to that," Christina grins

I roll my eyes, "And that tomorrow is Wednesday and we're just going to have to bring the lunch to her."

I see my two friends smile at this.

"Damn skippy," Christina agrees

* * *


	5. Snippets Part Two

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_Derek _

I race to my trailer to get a shower and change and get back to the hospital. It takes me no more than thirty minutes and as I walk to Addison's room I hear laughter. What an incongruent sound to hear from her room. As I come within sight of her room I see Stevens, Yank and O'Malley in the room and Izzie seems to be regaling them all with a story of some kind.

I can't help but smile at knowing that this group loved Addison if there interactions with her are any indication.Christina spots me first and I smile gently at her. Izzie notices that Christina is looking behind her and turns to see me standing there.

"Hey doc," she smiles

I step further into the room, "Sounds like you were telling a good story."

"I was telling them about how you proposed to Addison," Izzie smiles

I feel my face getting warm at hearing this and I see the twinkle in Izzie's eye.

"Not that part."

"Oh now we're totally interested in hearing the whole thing."

"Maybe another time," Izzie smiles getting to her feet, "Since we're already here and apparently not going to be getting any sleep maybe we should start work early."

Christina and George stand as well.

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea."

Glancing at my watch I see it's nearly six in the morning. They don't start their shifts until eight.

"I can uh check on Addison's patients since she can't," Izzie speaks softly looking down at Addison

"We'll come along, and then we can go do paperwork or something until Bailey gets here," George comments rubbing Izzie's back

They all leave patting me on the shoulder as they do. I go over to the chair that Izzie had vacated and take Addison's left hand into my own. She was still wearing her wedding bands. I look down at my own naked finger. Even though I told her a few months ago that we could start over again, I never put my ring back on. I know that she noticed and that it pained her greatly.

"It'll be so much better you just have to wake up."

> 

Miranda Bailey had faced many a weird site in her life but the site of walking into the lounge to see four of her interns quietly doing paperwork a full hour before their shifts began was a sight to behold.

"What are you guys doing," Bailey asks

"We thought we'd tackle that mountain of paperwork that accumulates," Izzie commented not looking up from the chart that she was reAding

"I think we really need to start typing out these reports," Alex comments absently as he is looking at his chart with one eye open and the other closed, "This is ridiculous."

"Let me see," George asks

Alex holds it up and George looks at it.

"That is _your _handwriting. Don't you remember what you wrote?"

"You'd think that but no."

"What are you guys doing here so early," Bailey asks trying to get them back on track

"We're only an hour early," Christina comments looking up at the clock at the wall, "Actually we were a few hours early but we've only been on since six."

"You've been here since six," Bailey asked in surprise not being able to hide it fully

"No we've been on since six. We've been here since about five."

Bailey suddenly understands what they were doing there so early, "You came to see Addison."

She got nods all around.

"I didn't get to see her," Alex commented, "At least not yet. I just couldn't sleep and decided to come hang here since trying to continue to sleep was an exercise in futility."

"Nightmares," Izzie asks

Alex nods.

"Me too," George commented to which Christina agreed

"That brings up something that I wanted to talk with you all about," Bailey says putting her stuff down and taking a seat, "I want everyone who witnessed...what we witnessed yesterday to see one of the hospital's psychiatrists."

Bailey was expecting to be turned down vehemently by those present but again was surprised.

"I think that's probably best," George nods, "We can't keep having these nightmares. We wouldn't be very good doctor's if we never slept another night in our lives."

The others smile at this and Bailey has to marvel at them. They'd grown a lot closer together since Grey went off to fulfill the rest of her training at an exchange program in Ireland.

"When is Grey do back," Bailey asks

"Two weeks," Izzie muttered scribbling something in a chart

"Does she know about this," Bailey asks

They all look up at her at this question.

"Not unless this made the nationals news," Christina answers for the group; "We collectively decided not to tell her about this."

"So you are going to let her walk into it?"

"She's a big girl," George comments turning back to his charts, "She can handle it. I think."

George gets some strange looks from his friends, which he doesn't see. They must be noticing the difference in the young intern. Everyone knew of his unrequited love for Meredith Grey. He seemed to have gotten over it these last months. Bailey watched Izzie smile a secret smile.

"Well if you're here so early perhaps we should start rounds," Bailey comments

"We already checked on um Doctor Sheppard's patients up in neonatal," Izzie commented looking up at her boss, "And were waiting for a more decent hour to do everyone else since babies can't really curse you out for interrupting their sleep."

Everyone just shakes their heads to this and finishes notating in their charts and they all get up to do rounds.

* * *


	6. Turn and Point

* * *

>Izzie 

I'm currently reading the newspaper to Addison. Nothing at all important is going on in the world. I think she'd like the political cartoon that's in the paper today.

It's been almost two weeks since Addison was shot and there has been little to no improvement in her condition. She stabilized somewhat enough to take her off the respirator during the day. We found that she was in distress at a few days ago because she was trying to breathe on her own. We were ecstatic at this thinking that it was good news, a good sign that she was breathing on her own.

I suppose that it is better than nothing. We'll take what we can get under the circumstances. At night she is still having too much trouble with the breathing and she has to be put back on. That's not to say she doesn't get any oxygen during the day. She has a thin plastic tube with inserts in each nostril giving her the good stuff.

"Let's see our country is even more down the crapper than we were a week ago," I comment, "Big surprise there with our current leader. The weather is the same; ooh we had a full day of uninterrupted sunshine yesterday. You would have liked that. You always seemed more like a summer to me than a spring."

I glance up at her and sigh at seeing nothing. I know it's only been two weeks and we can't expect miracles of someone who was shot in the back of the head. There's no telling what kind of brain damage she must have. I hear a knock on the doorframe and I look up to see George coming in with a picnic basket. Christina is right behind him with some drinks. I put down the paper and help them with the stuff. It's Wednesday again and our annual lunch is about to begin.

"I have your favorite," Christina comments to Addison holding up a Mocha Latte, "I think we figured out a way to give you some."

Christina pulls a plastic syringe out of her pocket and pulls some of the latte into it and then proceeds to inject it into Addison's feeding tube

"Should we be injecting caffeine directly into her system," George asks

"More of a caffeine jolt that way," Christina smiles

She puts her stuff away and sits down. George and I are on one side while Christina is on the other.

"So have we figured out what we're going to tell Meredith," Christina asks taking a bite of her salad

"She's been gone so long I don't know where to begin," George comments digging into his tuna salad sandwich, "I mean is this the first thing we spring on her with her being gone for six months?"

"If she doesn't already know," Izzie points out

"Wouldn't she have brought it up to us in one of her many, many phone calls," George comments

I have to smile inwardly at this statement. George is _so _over his infatuation with Meredith that it isn't even funny. I think his friendship with Addison helped with that. He was able to see what a real woman was like, not just the fantasy of one. George sometimes seems rather annoyed with Meredith at times.

"One would think that she'd bring it up if she knew," I point out, "We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come it."

"The bridge is in sight," we here Alex exclaim as he enters the room in a rush

"What do you mean," Christina asks

"Meredith is here."

"What," we exclaim in unison

"She's not supposed to be back for two more days," Christina exclaims, "And why the hell would she come here first?"

"I don't know but don't you think we should get to her before she finds out in some other matter."

"Someone needs to stay with Addison," I say rising to my feet

"I'll stay," Alex says softly

"Okay, but don't eat my sandwich burger boy."

Alex salutes us and we are off and running.

>Meredith

My goodness it's good to be home. Ireland was a wonderful country and there were many talented doctor's but there is nothing like home sweet home, however cliché. As I enter the hospital I immediately notice that something is off. Well the metal detector at the entrance was a new thing but it was more than that.

There is somberness about the hospital that wasn't there before.

"Wow who died," I muttered smiling at my joke but I frowned at the particularly scathing look I received from a nurse whose name I can't quite place, "Okay, maybe not the right time for hospital humor."

I turned at the sound of running feet. I watched my friends running toward me and I was afraid they were going to tackle me but they skid to a halt in front of me.

"Hey, you're back early," Izzie smiled

She was certainly pale looking. I took a good look at my friends and noticed that they all had dark circles under their eyes and looked dead on their feet.

"Have they been giving you guys like triple shifts or what," I ask

"What do you mean," Christina asks hugging me quickly and letting me go since hugs weren't really her thing

Izzie gave me a longer hug and George just patted my shoulder. Odd.

"Have you guys seen you? You look terrible."

They glanced at one another at this statement. They all shrugged simultaneously and turned their attentions back to me.

"How was Ireland," Izzie exclaimed ignoring my question

Interesting.

"It was great but I sure am glad to be home."

"How come you're home two days early," George asks, "We weren't expecting you till Friday and we thought you'd want to sleep when you got home with the jet lag and everything."

They are starting to make me feel like they aren't excited to have me home.

"I was able to catch an earlier flight and I slept most of the way on the plane. Are you guys sure you're okay?"

"Just tired," Izzie answers, "Did you happen to hear any interesting news about anything out here?"

"Like what?"

They all looked at each other. Now I knew something was going on. Before they could react the nurse that had glared earlier ran up to us.

"She's awake," she exclaims

Izzie, Christina and George all have matching shocked expressions on their faces at hearing this news. Who was awake and why do they all care so much?

"Someone call Sheppard an d have him get his ass here now," Izzie yells turning and running the way that they had all run from

George and Christina were hot on her heals and I just followed along. We went to the surgical ICU. They skidded directly into the room and stopped at the side of the bed. Izzie dropped to her knees.

With a start I realized who _she _was. Addison Sheppard. She was lying in the bed before us hooked up to all kinds of machines with a bandage around her head. Her eyes were open and she was looking around.

"Addison," Izzie asks with more familiarity than I would expect, "Can you hear me?"

Addison turns her attention to Izzie and I step back a little so she doesn't see me. She nods her head at Izzie's question.

"Do you know where you are?"

Addison looks around and then back to Izzie, "Hos…" the rest of her sentence trailed off in a wheeze

"Yes, that's right you're in the hospital," Christina spoke more gently than I'd ever heard, "Do you know who we are?"

Addison nods her head. I once again hear running feet and I turn to see Derek running toward me. With a start I realize he isn't running toward me but to Addison's room. I'm not sure if he even saw me. He runs into the room and drops down next to Addison. He took her hand into his own.

"Do you know who this is," Izzie asks indicating Derek

"Der…husband," Addison manages to get out

A sob escapes Derek at hearing this and he bows his head.

"Do you remember what happened to you," George asks speaking for the first time

He was standing on the other side of the bed gripping Addison's other hand in both of his. She turned her head to him and then looked straight up. She cleared her throat and a cup of water with a straw suddenly appeared at her lips. Alex was the bearer of the cup and Addison took a sip.

I wonder if I stepped off the plane into the twilight zone.

Addison licks her lips and swallows, "...S...shot," she stutters

Shot. She was shot? Was this what Izzie was fishing for when she asked me if I'd heard of any news out here. Was I supposed to know that this woman who was my enemy was shot? Shot by whom? By the bandage around her head I come to the obvious conclusion that she was shot there. No wonder they were asking her a bunch of questions.

What the hell happened?

* * *

**Sorry if Meredith came off bitchy. I'll try to write her better. But hey, Addison is awake. Woo!**


	7. What Happened?

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! WOO!**

**Wowzie, I'm just tickled pink at the reaction I'm getting from this story...well not pink cause I hate pink but you get the picture right?**

* * *

"What the hell happened," Meredith declared once again aftershe'd gotten her friends alone 

"What do you mean," George asked

"What do you mean what do I mean? Addison," Meredith clarifies, "What the hell happened?"

The trio looks at each other and it seems by wordless agreement that Izzie should begin first.

"Two weeks ago we operated on a young woman?"

"We?"

"Addison, myself and a few other's," Izzie clarifies, "During the operation both the mother and child died. When we told the husband, Jared Jensen, he took it as well as can be expected."

"Right," Christina remarks picking up, "Now Addison had started to do rounds since Bailey had gone on her maternity leave and continued to do them with us even when Bailey came back. A few hours after the operation Mr. Jensen came back," Christina remarks

Meredith thought it dually curious that they all seemed so comfortable calling Satan by her first name and how Christina had almost choked on saying this Jensen guys name.

"Mr. Jensen politely requested that he wanted to see the room in which his family died. It seemed like a task that wasn't too much to handle. Addison agreed to take him to the OR. We asked if she wanted company and she shook her head and lead him off."

George was nodding his head to this, "Something just seemed fishy about this though. Izzie was the first to feel it first. She started after them and the rest of just followed. We went to the surgery box that overlooks the OR suit. They were just standing in there quietly. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then we saw him do something to the door and that's when our hackles rose."

"_Then _he pulled a gun on her," Izzie spoke softly

"He pulled a gun on her," Meredith repeats in shock

They all nodded.

"Bailey went to call security and to gather up Doctor's Sheppard and Webber. Of course more people came with her. Security couldn't get the door open."

"So this Jensen guy just shoots her," Meredith asks still clearly in shock

"Not before he asks her if she has any last words."

"What did she say?"

"That she wished that her husband had know why she did what she did. That's all that she wanted."

"What's there to know? She cheated on her husband with her best friend."

Meredith receives glaring looks from her best friends at saying this statement.

George sighs, "After this statement was out he told her to touch her head to the ground and lay her hands out in front of her. We," he motions at himself and Izzie, "Went a little mad at this point."

"Mad?"

"Started banging on the glass and cursing at Jensen," Izzie responds

"So he asks her for last words and then just shoots her?"

"That's what we were expecting and we closed our eyes so we wouldn't have to see this. After a few minutes at hearing nothing we here Jensen tell Addison to sit up."

"Sit up?"

"He tells her that he wants to know why."

"He wants to know why she cheated on Derek?"

Christina nodded her head, "We saw it as a way for Addison to get to get out those last words a little better, live a little longer, and buy security enough time to get into the room."

"What was her excuse?

"Commentary like that isn't necessary," George remarks glaring at Meredith

"Sorry."

"Short version is that it wasn't an affair, it was a quasi one night stand in which Addison was so sloshed she didn't even really remember all of the night. I say it's a blessing considering how she was pretty much raped," George comments wrinkling his nose at the prospect, "She'd gotten so drunk because she'd lost the baby that she never got to tell Sheppard about a week before because he was being too much of a jerk and wouldn't listen to anything she had to say."

After this statement had gotten out Meredith sat back looking at her friends stunned. It wasn't an affair.

"What do you mean she was basically raped?"

"How would you feel if someone you trusted had sex with you while you were too drunk to know the difference between him and your husband," Izzie asked

Meredith was silent a moment, "I'd feel violated."

"Exactly. Add to that your husband walking in on this and jumping to the erroneous conclusion that you are having an affair and abandoning you before you got a chance to explain."

Wow. That was certainly something to think about.

"Technically speaking Sheppard was the one that had the affair not Addison," Christina points out

George and Izzie look to Christina at this statement.

"I never thought of it like that."

"Wow, Meredith was the adulterer," George comments giving his friend a once over

She narrows her eyes at this.

"Hey!"

* * *

**Hehe. Weird place to end I know but what can you do?**


	8. Revelations

>Derek

When I had received a call from the hospital I had tried not thinking the worst. When the nurse had told me to get my ass here because Addison was awake you could have knocked me over with a feather. I was so overjoyed that I think I probably broke half a dozen driving laws in getting here. I'm seriously glad there hadn't been any cops in the area.

When I had arrived in Addison's room and saw those beautiful eyes open I didn't really know how to react. When not knowing how to react I did the next best thing and burst into tears when she told us who I am. Currently I'm sitting next to her bedside holding on to her hand tightly. Adi fell asleep from all of the drugs that we've been giving her. She was awake, perhaps, twenty minutes before. When she told us the information that we had asked of her.

I watched her eyes flutter and then open. I watch those beautiful green eyes turn to me, and a smile light up her face.

"Hey Adi," I smile bringing her hand up to my lips and kissing her palm

Addison tries to turn her head toward me and I see her wince in pain.

"Gently," I whisper

She moves her head a little slower and focuses on me.

"You still know who I am?"

Addison smiles at this, "Derek."

"Yes, that's my name."

I seemed not to know what to say at this, but then I did.

"I'm sorry."

She raised her eyebrows in question.

"That I didn't stay…that I never gave you a chance to explain."

A look of understanding came over Addison's eyes. Before we could talk further Bailey came into the room.

"Hey you, good to see you awake."

Addison smiled.

"I'm sorry for interrupting but we have to check you out. It's not everyday we have a medical miracle on our hands."

A shrug of her shoulders is Addison's response. It seems to me that she is going out of her way not to speak. She's only said a handful of words since she woke up. Maybe it's not that she won't speak but she can't.

Bailey lifted the sheet at the end of the bed, as I stood still holding on to my beloved's hand. I saw Bailey run the end of a pen on the underside of Addison's foot.

"Can you feel this Addison?"

Addison had been looking at me while Bailey was doing her test. At the question she looked down at her feet and shook her head. Bailey did the same thing up both legs and Addison finally felt the stimulation near her pelvis.

"You can move your arms?"

Addison lifted both of her arms and wiggled her fingers.

"Tell me your full name."

Addison cleared her throat, "Addison…Forbes Mont…Montgomery-Sheppard," she got out haltingly

I glance over at Bailey as Addison got this statement out. I see her nod her head to me and I know what it means.

"I know this…bad," Addison speaks, "Can't…expect noth…nothing."

We couldn't expect nothing from her being shot in the back of the head. It's a miracle beyond rationalizing that she was even alive; let alone talking to us, however stunted. Bailey was nodding to this with a smile on her face.

"We're going to be taking you up for some tests."

Addison nodded her head.

"I'm going to go and get those ready."

She squeezed Addison's hand, gave me a reassuring look and left the room. I sat back down and squeezed Addison's hand tighter.

"I know it's not going to mean much now but I am so sorry. Sorry for not staying and listening to you. Sorry I didn't trust you enough to realize that you would never have cheated on me," I sucked in a breath, "Most of all I'm sorry that you had to go through a miscarriage without me there to hold you."

I see tears prickling at her eyes.

"Don't cry," I whisper

"You…forg…forgive?"

I leaned forward giving Addison a soft kiss, "There is nothing to forgive Adi. I'm the one that needs the forgiveness. Okay. You did nothing wrong and when that asshole ex best friend gets here he will wish he did nothing wrong."

Addison's eyes widened at this and her lips curled into a smile. Before she could make any kind of reaction in words to that Bailey returned with a couple of orderlies to take her up for those tests.

I find myself wondering the hospital while Adi was getting her tests done. I pushed open the door to the locker room and found the interns talking intently. This is when I noticed that Meredith was back. No matter. That's done now it has to be.

"How's Addison," Izzie asks upon seeing me enter

The others turn to me.

"She has some speech problems," I say leaning back against the lockers, "And she can't feel her legs."

Izzie, Christina, George and Alex take this news hard while Meredith seems to be in some kind of shock.

"Bailey is taking her for some tests now."

"But you talked to her?"

I nodded my head, "She asked me for forgiveness."

"Apparently she isn't the one who needs it," George commented raising both eyebrows

"Which is what I told her. I told her that she had nothing to be forgiven for and that I wanted her to forgive me."

"What'd she say," asks Christina

"Bailey came to take her before she could answer."

"I'm sure she forgives you," Meredith speaks up for the first time, "She loves you."

I had to smile at that, "She certainly does."

"Does she seem the same to you," Izzie asks me

"What do you mean?"

"She seemed different to me somehow," Izzie, remarks with a furrow of her brow, "I'm not sure how to explain it exactly."

"I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary," I speak after a moment, "Then again I haven't really been looking that much. I'm just thankful that she's alive and awake."

Izzie shrugs, "I'm glad of that too. Forget I said anything."

I nod to this as my beeper goes off. I am still a doctor after all. I head out to respond to my page but the question that Izzie asked me keeps going through me mine. Did she seem the same to me? I'm not sure. She was Addison. That's when it hits me and I almost stop in my tracks.

She was Addison.

The Addison of before, before everything got so incredibly messed up. Back in the beginning she had such a magical personality. Nothing could get to that woman. She could have the day from hell and would still end up as cheerful as ever. It was really very annoying sometimes but oddly endearing in the same token. It was rather extraordinary considering what she came from.

She seemed so non-chalant about her condition. I thought it was shock or grief, but it was the Addison of old shrugging her condition off, telling the world and me that she was going to get better, that there was just no other alternative.

How Izzie noticed the difference is anyone's guess though. The realization of why Izzie new the difference almost drew me up short again. I really shouldn't think so hard when I'm in transit.

Maybe with Izzie Addison was able to be herself. That statement is profound in its simplicity. With Izzie my wife didn't have to keep her shields up, she didn't have to act like all was normal and that she wasn't dying a little inside each day that I ignored her. Izzie gave her that freedom to be Addison and by extension so did Christina and George.

Wow.

* * *

**There we are, chapter 8. Aint it grand? Hehe.**


	9. New Endings and Past Beginnings

* * *

**Addison**

Being on the other side is never fun. When you are the patient instead of the doctor it gives you a new appreciation for what your patients go through on a daily basis. You get every test known to human kind and then some. You are poked and prodded and asked terribly invasive questions.

When you can't really speak, as in my case, you can't really answer these terribly invasive questions. There's a pro to add to the list for being shot. My goodness that's a little morbid isn't it? I think I'm entitled to some morbidity under the circumstances. When you are a hairs breadth away from death, it changes you.

How can it not?

A newly morbid sense of humor isn't the only thing coming close to death has done to me, of this I'm aware, or not aware by the fact that I can't feel anything below my pelvic bone. There's that sense of humor again. I almost smile but manage to catch myself.

You try explaining while you're grinning like an idiot at a time like this.

As I stare at the inside of the CAT scan machine I contemplate what's happened in the past weeks. Well, I didn't know I'd been in a coma for two weeks until they told me I'd been in a coma for two weeks. Time really has no meaning when you aren't conscious of it.

I'd been witness to violence in my life, the type of violence that can rule your life. You either let it rule you learn to adapt from it. It was a shock, for sure, when Jensen pulled the gun on me in the OR but that's not to say it wasn't entirely unexpected. I saw the look in his eyes when I told him that I had been unable to save his family. I saw the way the light faded to be replaced by this coldness.

It's a lot like watching someone die.

One minute they are staring at you, with you and the next there is nothingness. It's fascinating to behold. It's frightening when that coldness is directed at you. When he returned and asked to go to the OR where his family died I knew, on some level, that he planned on doing something to me. Just what he planned wasn't clear.

I could have stopped it.

I doubt he would have done something if others had been in the room with us, next to me. He could do it with others safely behind walls and glass because he knew they couldn't interfere. Who's to say though, whether he wouldn't have just executed anyone else that came with.

That's why I went in alone.

I couldn't let anyone else get hurt; at least I couldn't let anyone get physically hurt. No telling what kind of emotional wounds those that witnessed this particular crime have. This isn't the first time that a crime has been committed against my person, but God willing, I hope it's the last. There is only so much pain that one person can take before they crack.

Derek often told me that he wouldn't have survived my childhood. I'd always rolled my eyes at him. 'If I survived it you could to', is what I would always tell him. He would retort that I'm stronger than he is. Maybe there's something to that after all.

"Adi?"

With a start I realize that someone is talking to me. I should really stop zoning out when people are present.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," comes Derek's voice, "Are you okay?"

I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Yeah."

I found that the word 'yeah' is something that I could get out without any problems at all. Weird I know. I happened to notice in my travels through the hospital that Derek was wearing his ring. I had to smile at that. I spent months trying to come up with something to have inscribed into the ring. 'I love you' just wouldn't cut it. It needed to be something with a higher meaning, something that would be between the two of us.

I still remember the look on his face when he'd seen the inscription. He knew immediately what it meant. _My Shelter In The Dark. _No one else knew what it meant and I was glad of this.

Throughout my life I have been plagued by frightening nightmares. I used to wake up screaming. This scared Derek more than anything I'd ever seen when we first were together. He'd often ask me what the nightmares were about but I would always tell him I could never remember. I didn't buy this and he certainly didn't either. The day I decided to tell him about them, was the day he said those words to me.

"_With me you'll always have shelter when it's dark," Derek had said to me with tears streaming down his face, 'Whenever you are afraid you come to me and together we will face those demons."_

I remember being so incredibly touched by that simple statement. No one had ever loved me the way that he did. I don't think that anyone ever will. I don't think Derek understands what his leaving really did to me.

Everyone I had ever loved always left, no matter if they promised they wouldn't.

Am I going to tell Derek what his leaving did? No. Do I tell him that it ripped my heart to pieces? No. When the nightmares returned he wasn't there to help me fight the demons. If it weren't for the fact that I had to make sure he understood I probably would have let the demons win. That's a scary thought.

Let's not dwell on _that_ thought shall we? Derek and I are going to have to sit down and have a long talk. A giggle escapes me at that thought that I'm not able to reign in. Of course it would have to be sitting down and it would be _really _long considering I can barely talk.

"Are you sure you're alright," I hear Derek ask after a moment

They must have heard my giggle.

"Yeah," I call out, "Drugs."

They do have me one some good stuff right now, that's for sure but they don't need to know the real reason I'm laughing. My sense of humor is something of a required taste. I smile thinking of the young interns who have become my friends. First Izzie, then George and Christina and eventually Alex was brought into the fold. Yang and I have a similar humor.

I can still see the look of relief on Izzie's face when I opened my eyes and gazed at her. The others shared this same relief and it warmed me in a way that I hadn't been prepared for. I'd never really had true friends in my life. Sure I have friends. Good friends even, but true friends. No. This group here I can see becoming true friends.

They really are taking their sweet time with this CAT scan; I mean I've been in here forever. What are they doing? Good thing I'm not claustrophobic. No wait, actually I am, I just didn't notice till now how enclosed this thing actually is.

Oh god!

"Derek!"

"Get her out, get her out," Derek exclaims at hearing me call his name with such alarm

"What is it," Bailey asks

"I forgot that she's claustrophobic! Do you have everything," Derek asks of Bailey

"Yeah."

"Then get her out."

A button was pushed and the bed of the machine emerged and I gulped in deep breaths of air as I was into open space. Derek ran over to me and took my hand into his own.

"I'm sorry Adi, I forgot. We should have gotten you out of there sooner. I'm sorry."

"Yeah," I answer with a nod, "Forgive," I point at Derek

Derek smiles, "Thanks. Let's get you back to your room shall we?"

They get me settled into my room with Derek sitting beside me. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, which was amazing considering all of the silences we had shared since I returned had been supremely uncomfortable.

"You have questions don't you," Derek asked startling me out of my own thoughts

I look at his with a quizzical look not understanding what he was asking of me.

"You're wondering if you and I getting back together is because of...what happened."

I shook my head to this.

"You're not?"

"I know you...love me. Always...known...got lost."

Derek was nodding while I spoke, "I certainly did get lost. I started taking you for granted and in the process I forgot how much you mean to me."

I was fingering the ring that was around Derek's ring finger. He smiled at this and a look of horror crossed his face as he realized something.

"Did they return?"

You need not be a mind reader to understand what Derek was trying to say. He was asking if the nightmares that have plagued my existence returned while he was gone. I considered lying to him but decided that if we are going to try and make this relationship work, it would probably be best if we were completely honest.

"Yes."

Derek flinches to this, "I'm sorry Adi. This shows how much of a jerk I've become. I know you don't sleep well alone."

"Didn't want...you to...feel trapped...by me."

Derek frowns at this, "What do you mean? I've never felt trapped by you. I know what you went through and how far you've come. I liked the fact that you couldn't sleep without me," Derek looked pained as he thought further, "What did you do the nights that I was away from you?"

What to say to that? How do I tell him that there were nights when I didn't sleep at all? That I would spend the night at the hospital where I knew people were at. I would offer to babysit for all of my friends that had kids just so I would sleep alone. I've often thought it pathetic that, I a grown woman, couldn't sleep by myself without having a stupid nightmare.

"Adi?"

I look at Derek.

"You don't have to tell me."

I stop tracing his ring and hold his hand within mine, "Not sleep...sleep at hospital...or babysit friends...kids."

It takes a moment for Derek to decipher my shortened sentences and when he does he squeezes my hand tighter.

"I always wondered why our friends were always so cheerful when I had to be on call or go away for something."

I smiled to this, "Our friends...could...have date...nights."

Derek smiled to this but I could tell that he had something on his mind. I knew what is was of course but I waited for Derek to say it. This always came up when discussing my nightmares and my past.

"Don't you think it's time Adi? Time to tell someone other than me, what happened to you?"

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I'd actually been contemplating this very question. With Derek leaving I came to the realization that he may not always be around and perhaps someone should know about my past. Why I am the way that I am.

"Okay."

Derek opens his mouth, probably to argue the same point he always does, but then what I said registers in his head and his mouth closes with a snap.

"Really?"

I nod my head to this, "I think...it's time."

Derek leaned forward and kissed me softly, "You made the right choice."

"I know."

Derek laughs and I can honestly say I've missed that sound.

"Do you remember when we first met," Derek asks me

How can I possibly forget that?

"I was running through...the park...when this young...guy with a lot of hair...literally falls into my path from...his bike."

"Did I ever tell you that I did that on purpose?"

"No? Seriously?"

"I'd kind of been watching you."

"Knew that part."

Derek smiles, "You were the most beautiful girl that I'd ever seen. I had to get close to you. I figure a good way was to literally fall into your lap, so to speak."

"You broke your wrist falling into my lap."

"Anything for love."

I roll my eyes to this, "I remember thinking man this guy is really uncoordinated but damn is he handsome."

"You took me to the hospital and as a thank you I took you to dinner."

"I can't believe you did that on purpose."

Derek laughed again and I couldn't help but think that this was the most beautiful sound.

* * *


	10. Olive Branches

**

* * *

****Meredith**

I needed to see her.

I'm not really sure why I needed to see Addison Sheppard so badly but I just knew I had to. So this is why I waited till I knew everyone would be gone for the day. I saw Derek leave about ten minutes ago. He was finallypersuaded to go home and get some rest.

I looked around me as I walked down the halls of the hospital. I don't know why I'm so paranoid all of a sudden. I step up to the closed door and peer into the small window and look into the room. The lights are on low and the television in the far corner of the ceiling is on. It appears she's watching cartoons.

As quietly as I can I push the door open. Addison turns her head at seeing the door open. If she was surprised to see me she didn't show it. She merely switched off the television and turned her attention to me.

"Uh, hi," I say shutting the door and stepping into the room

She raises her eyebrows at me.

"You're probably wondering what I'm doing here."

No reaction. I move further into the room and to one side of the bed. She follows me with her eyes.

"I wanted…needed to talk to you. I wanted to apologize to you, not that it will probably make you feel any better. I just...feel guilty for all of this stuff that's happened recently and with certain truths coming to light I feel even more guilty and," I trail off as I realize that I am babbling

"No...need to...apologize," Addison gets out with a shrug

"I think I do."

"Why?"

Why? Why was she asking me why?

"I had an affair with your husband."

"Yes."

I sink down into the chair next to her bed and sigh, "Everyone always thought that you were the one to have the affair. I mean it was a fair assumption since that's what Derek...Doctor Sheppard thought."

"He didn't...know truth."

"Which is really bad and it makes my guilt all the worse."

She raises her eyebrows to this.

"I know I'm not responsible for his reaction to catching you with his best friend. I am responsible for all of the things you've been called around here."

"Satan. Evil."

"Yeah, I was a little upset with you."

"Ya think?"

I smile at this as the woman before me takes a deep breath.

"I forgive him...I forgive you."

Can it really be that easy. Can she forgive that easily?

"It's done...moving...on."

I nod my head to this, "The two of you are going to take another go at it right?"

Addison nods, "Love him."

"So I realize."

I am awarded with a radiant smile from the woman before me. I don't think I ever noticed how beautiful this woman is. I always looked at her as the enemy, competition. Not as the woman that Derek Sheppard has loved for more than half his life, the woman that would have had his child.

"Why staring," Addison asks me

With a start I realize that I had been staring at her for a moment or two in total silence. I laugh nervously to this. Do I really want her to know that I was just thinking about how beautiful she is?

"Doesn't matter," I comment with a smile, "I should go and let you get some sleep."

She shrugs her shoulders, "Yeah."

I make no move to leave and she raises her eyebrows again, "Is your hair naturally red?"

She gives me a quizzical look at this seemingly out of nowhere question.

"It's just Derek never seemed the type that would like redheads is all, not that there is anything wrong with redheads it's just that..."

"No...not redhead."

"You aren't."

"Blond."

Oh that's not fair. She is a bombshell as a redhead. I could just imagine what she would look like as a blond.

"You're a natural blond," I ask with some disbelief

She nods her head, "Like red better...as does Derek."

"I just bet he does."

Addison smiles again and I find myself really liking that smile.

"Do you...still love Derek?"

I straighten a little at this question. I should have been expecting it frankly but wasn't really prepared for it.

"No," I answer after a moments contemplation, "I don't believe I ever really was."

"Yeah?"

I nod to this, "Time away from everything certainly gives you a new perspective on things. You know?"

Addison nodded her head at me.

"With that time away I was able to think on his and my relationship, if you can call it that. We got together the very first night he got to Seattle. If I had stood back and taken a look at it then I would have realized that I was a rebound relationship...well that and if I had known he was married would have helped."

"Would have been. Question?"

I raise my eyebrows as Addison takes in a deep breath and licks her lips.

"If you had...known...would you have..." she was having trouble getting her question out and I had a feeling I knew what she was going to ask

"I don't know," I answer before she could finish her question, "I'd like to think that I would have ended the whole thing then. I mean the guy was still married even if he was "separated"."

"Honesty," Addison comments with a smile

I find myself returning her smile. I don't know why I ever thought this woman was evil. Well her cheating on her husband with his best friend was probably the reason, but I was uninformed, as was Derek. We were all uninformed and this wonderful woman received horrible treatment because of a misunderstanding.

While I was in Ireland I was able to get that perspective that I needed. Meeting a guy in a bar wasn't really how I pictured meeting the love of my life. Him being my superior wasn't a part of that either, and most importantly, neither was him being married

"You know something I just realized," I ask her

She raises her eyebrows to my question, "What?"

"I don't know anything about you."

"Just...now realized?"

I smile at that, "Yes, I'm slow sometimes."

Addison just shakes her head to this with a smile.

"I mean I know that you and Derek have known each other for twenty years. That you've been married for eleven of those years. That's about it actually, well now I know you are a natural blond."

"I'm...private."

"I noticed."

"Not a lot...of people...know...a lot about me."

"Why not?"

Addison sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly, "I have...my...reasons."

I nod to this, "I'm sorry for asking."

She shakes her head, "Don't be."

"I should really let you get to sleep. Do you need anything before I go?"

She looks thoughtful for a moment and then, "Just...leave the light...on."

That seems like a doable request and I nod my head to this, "Okay."

We smile at each other and I can't help but being hopeful at our new understanding that we've forged together. I get up and head toward the door. I leave her room and am walking down the halls when I see Izzie and Christina coming toward me.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"We can ask you the same," Christina comments with a raised eyebrow

"I needed to talk to Doctor Sheppard."

"You didn't like do anything to her did you?"

I roll my eyes at this, "She's fine. I think we've come to an understanding. Now answer my question."

"We can't sleep so we thought we'd come and keep Addison company," Izzie responds with a smile

"Have you guys been able to sleep at all?"

They look at one another and then back at me.

"It's hard to sleep after witnessing...something like we did," Christina starts, "How do you get the image of someone you respect immensely, someone who had become a friend being shot in the head? Basically executed."

That was certainly a good point.

"That reminds me," Izzie said to Christina, "Doctor Fielding stopped me earlier and wanted to know if we wanted to have our appointments together."

"That seems like a good idea."

"You're seeing Doctor Fielding," I asked referring to one of the hospital shrinks

"Bailey is making it mandatory for everyone who saw...what we saw."

"Oh."

"We'll see you later okay," Christina asks patting me on the shoulder

"Sure, later."

They smile at me and continue past me to Doctor Sheppard's room. I can't help the jealousy that flares as I continue on my way. They are all so close to her now. I've noticed it and I've only been back for a day and a half. All of them. Christina, Izzie, George and even Alex. They bonded while I was gone and I do believe that witnessing the shooting together has made them stronger.

I'm happy that they are all friends but where does that leave me?

* * *

**Hehe, I shall leave it at that for now. Next up: We find out some of the darkness that eats at Addison.**


	11. Confessions of a Past Forgotten

**Here it is, chapter 11 where we learn a little about Adi's past. Well not we, cause I already know but...you get what I mean. Anyways, there is talk of violence, no actual violence shown though. I'm also inordinantly pleased with the title for some reason, go figure. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Addison**

My time flies when you are stuck in a hospital bed unable to move. That's a little bit of my sarcastic sense of humor coming through. Time is dragging on like a bitch. It has been a week since I woke up and I've made little to no improvement. I do know that I can't expect too much too soon. I _did _just wake up from a coma from being shot, _in the head_.

Miraculous recoveries do take some time. I've had some improvement I should say. My speech has improved a little. It helped from the rather odd request of the speech therapist for me to sing. I have a good voice, I guess, but hadn't considered using it for therapy before. It's almost noon and I wonder if my lunch dates are going to come.

While I wonder this I also contemplate something else. I've been thinking about what I told Derek. I told him that I would talk to someone about my past, about my nightmares. I don't know how serious I was at the time in telling Derek I'd do this. He was the only one that knew. The only one worth mentioning that knew.

Doctor Fielding was in earlier trying to get me to talk about the shooting. I'm perfectly willing to talk about that, because let's face it, _everyone _knows about that. I considered telling him about the other stuff but it just didn't feel comfortable. I hardly know the guy. I'm not going to tell him my deepest darkest secret.

I do understand that's kind of the point of a therapist.

An objective third party that is a step away from things you are talking about. Maybe this is one of the reason's that I don't let people too close. You'll learn what a loon I am. Who to tell?

As this question is percolating I watch as Izzie, Christina and George come into my room. They are each holding something to add to this little lunch. Maybe...maybe I could tell them.

"How are you feeling today," George asks setting the drinks down on the table at the end of my bed

"Same as yesterday," I smile

"Your speech is improving," Izzie observes, "That's pretty awesome considering."

"Yes it is," I answer for it was the truth

Izzie and George sit down on my left while Christina sits down on my right. They pull out their respective foods and hand mine to me.

"How are those appointments with doctor Fielding going," I ask taking a bite of my sandwich

"How are appointments with a shrink supposed to go," Christina asks

"I don't know. That's why I asked."

They all smile at this.

"I've never been to a therapist before," Izzie speaks up, "It's weird sharing your feelings with strangers."

See I'm not the only one that feels that way.

"It's a little easier sharing with people who were there."

"You can talk with me you know," I speak up after a moment

"We couldn't put that on you," George says softly, "You've been through enough."

"I have been but maybe it'll help if I knew how you guys feel about it all."

"You really want to know," Christina asked

I lick my lips, "Maybe with knowing how you feel I can tell you about how I feel."

They all looked at me with renewed interest at me getting this statement out. For nearly the five months that we've been friends they have known next to nothing about me. The fact that I'm willing to give up some information must intrigue them. I see them look to one another and then back to me.

"You have yourself a deal."

I smile at this.

"You go first," George speaks to me

I can't help but laugh at this.

"I knew he was going to do something to me."

"You did?"

"I saw the look in his eyes when I told him that we were unable to save his wife and daughter. I saw the light go out of his eyes," I reaffirm, "When he came back I knew for sure that he was up to something."

"Then you could have prevented it," Izzie commented with wide eyes

"Perhaps," I speak, "Or more likely he would have taken out more people than just me."

There was silence as they contemplated that.

"I couldn't let anything happen to any of you guys."

"We appreciate that," George said, "We really do but we could have helped you."

"It's too late to worry about it now."

"What were you thinking when he pulled the gun on you," Christina asked leaning forward slightly

I frown at this, "I had all the emotions you would expect. Fear, sadness. At one point I was trying to fight off a fit of hysterical laughter."

"Laughter?"

"You would have had to have been in my head. I was contemplating the ways that I could die in my lifetime. It occurred to me that I would rather have been hit by a bus and the thought was a little funny to me. At least I didn't laugh. I don't know how Jensen would have reacted to that."

"I'm not sure he would have reacted well."

I shrugged at this, "Did you guys get along with your fathers?"

They seemed a little startled at this seemingly out of nowhere question. Truth be told I was a little startled that I just came out and asked that question. So much for leading into it.

"Did we get along with our fathers," Izzie repeats

I nod my head.

"I know I did," Izzie responds after a moment, "I was always daddies little girl."

"My father and I have a complicated relationship," George speaks

"So do me and my father," Christina adds

"Did you get along with yours," Izzie asks cocking her head to one side

I take in a deep breath, "Hardly. If I saw my father today I would probably kill him."

The looks on their faces is comical. I wish I had a camera. They didn't seem to know if I was joking or not.

"I'm serious."

"You would kill your father if he walked in that door," Christina asked indicating the door with her thumb

I nodded my head, "If you lived my childhood you would too."

"Where is your father now? I mean is there ever a chance that he would walk through a door?"

"He's in prison," I answer

"Prison!"

"Prison," I affirm

"What the hell for," Christina asks

"The list of his crimes is long," I answer after a moment, "Suffice to say he won't be getting out any time soon. At least not in his lifetime...or the next."

I watched as they digested that information. They really didn't know what to do with this information. I could see the questions that they had in their eyes. I decided here and now that if they were to ask me about my past that I would tell them. I don't think I'm ready to willingly give up everything by myself.

We sit in silence just eating our lunch and I wonder which of them is going to break this silence first. I do not have to wait long.

"What did he do to you?"

This question, surprisingly, comes from George.

I blink a moment as I contemplate how best to answer that question.

>

George, Izzie and Christina waited, not really very patiently, but quietly as Addison contemplated the question that was asked of her.

"From the time I was a very small child," Addison began, "I was afraid of my father. He was not a pleasant man when he was sober but when he was drunk...when he was drunk, which was most of the time, it was bad. Really bad."

Addison took a sip of her water and cleared her throat.

"Growing up it was me, my mother and my older brother...and him."

"He beat you?"

"Such an understatement that is. He was always careful to beat us where it wouldn't show. Not that we were allowed to go out that much. My brother and I were kept in the basement a lot of the time."

Addison paused to gage the reactions of the three sitting before her. They had borderline horrified looks on their faces. Just wait.

"My father never treated us like children," Addison started again, "Especially me."

She let that sentence linger to see if any of them got what she was trying _not_ to say. They were silent a moment and Izzie was the first to understand.

"He raped you?"

Addison sucked in a breath, "Yeah. For a number of years. That stopped but the abuse didn't stop. I still remember the night that...my family was taken from me. He'd lost his job, my father, and came home more than just drunk. He was in such a fury. He went after my mother first. I remember her screams, the blood and finally the silence."

"You watched him kill your mother," Izzie asked completely horrified

"I had to. He made me. When he was done with my mother he moved on to my brother. In a way watching him die was worse than watching my mother. We'd been together in our misery. Just the two of us. When he died a part of me went with him."

"How come he didn't kill you?"

Addison sighed at that, "It wasn't for lack of trying, believe me, but someone...had finally heard the screaming and had called 911. They arrived in time to save me."

"So," Christina began after a moment, "Your father got life without parol? How come he didn't get death?"

"I don't remember the specifics of why," Addison commented, "I mean I was only nine years old at the time and..."

"What," she got simultaneously by the three in the room

"What?"

"You were nine," George exclaimed

"Yes."

"Your father raped you at the age of nine?"

"He raped me at the age of six and it ended when I was nine."

"He'll never get out of prison will he," George asked

Addison almost had to smile at the murderous look in George's eyes.

"No."

"Good."

"What happened after...after that?"

"Since I had no living relatives I was remanded to the state. I lived in foster care for about a year before this wonderful couple adopted me. Michael and Sierra Montgomery."

Addison received double takes at this.

"The name of Montgomery came from your adoptive parents," came from Izzie

"Yes. Addison is my real first name, believe it or not."

"What was your name before?"

"Shaeffer. My new parents loved me a lot, still do in fact. It was hard on them sometimes raising me."

"Why?"

"I started having horrific nightmares. I'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I've been in therapy since I was nine years old and we've never figured out a way to get these nightmares to stop."

"You still have them," asked George

"Sometimes."

"Then it sounds like you did figure out a way to make them stop."

"It was Derek," Addison smiled

"What was him," Christina asked

"He stopped the nightmares. Every night that we spent together the nightmares would stop, get further away. He was the key."

"So when he's not with you the nightmares return?"

Addison nodded to this.

"My life with my new parents was amazing though. They showed me such love and understanding. They put me in school where I was proven to be a lot smarter then anyone had ever guessed."

"We always knew you were a know it all," Izzie smiled to which Addison rolled her eyes

"Did you have any siblings with the Montgomery's?"

"Two.An older sister, Melody, and a younger brother Ryan."

"We're glad that your life was better," George smiled, "Until it wasn't."

Addison took his hand, "Thank you George. I'm glad my life was better. Don't worry it'll be better again."

"You are amazing you know that?"

"Why?"

"You were just shot in the head and are still recovering and yet you have such an amazing attitude."

"If I let life get me down I'd be a raving loon by now," Addison smiled, "Probably be in padded cell somewhere. Wouldn't be able to have my Mocha Chocolate Coffee," Addison remarked holding up her coffee causing the others to laugh

Addison did feel a little bad in laying all of her, well most of her past at the feet of her newfound friends, but in the same token she was glad she had someone to shoulder the burden with other than her husband. He was right, which was a little annoying. It was good that she talked with someone else.

Doctors are healers after all.

* * *

**I hope that wasn't too disturbing for everyone. Don't worry, happy times to come and maybe if you're good, you'll learn some more about her past.**


	12. Angry Sisters and Assurances

12

Derek>

I enter Addison's room to see a rather beefy orderly picking Addison up to place her in her wheelchair. I believe the guys name is Ben. Addison smiles when she sees me, or maybe she smiles at being picked up by beefy Ben.

"Hey,' she smiles

What that smile does to me.

"Hey," I answer back

Ben deposits Addison into her chair and places a blanket over her lap.

"Where are we going," I ask

"Just for a spin. I'm getting a little stir crazy."

"Do you mind if I take you?"

Addison smiles again and ducks her head shyly, "Sure."

Ben grins, pats me on the shoulder and leaves the room. That's peculiar. I shake my head and move behind Addison and push her out of the hospital.

"You're certainly cheerful this morning. You've gone through so much and yet...you don't let it get you down."

"Yeah well if I let everything get me down I'd never get up. I mean sometimes things suck so bad that you just want to stay in bed with the covers pulled over your head."

That's certainly a lot of honesty. Addison reaches up her hand and I place my hand into hers and briefly squeeze before letting go.

"Your sister called today," I say pushing her down a sunlit hall

"Did she bitch at you?"

Melody, Addison's older sister by two years hates me, with a passion. If hating someone were a sport she'd win the gold medal. She has never considered me good enough for Addison.

"When does she not bitch at me is the question."

Addison laughs to this.

"Did she say when her flight arrives?"

Melody and Ryan hadn't been able to get away till now. Melody was picking Ryan up and they were flying up here.

"Nine."

"Tonight or tomorrow morning?"

"Tonight. I offered to pick them up but she said something I'd rather not repeat."

Addison laughed to this, "I can just imagine what she said. Can you take me outside?"

My heart goes out to Addison. Even though she has often needed me to protect her, especially at night, she is such a strong person. I can't imagine what having to depend on other people is doing to her.

"Sure," I answer, "It's even sunny outside today."

"Lucky us."

She actually seems rather quiet today. Even though she has been laughing and is smiling there is something that she's not saying. She used to get this way when there was something she wanted to tell me but didn't know how to bring it up, or even if she should bring it up. I wheel her outside and stop her next to a bench, putting on the breaks. I straddle the bench so that I can face her directly.

"What is it Adi?"

She looks down at her hands for a moment and then looks up at me, "You love me right?"

"Of course I do," I say taking her hands into my own

"You want us to be together and everything right?"

Where are these questions coming from?

"Till the end of time," I answer

Addison sighs and I see her chewing on the inside of her cheek. When she's in these moods I know, from experience, that I can't rush her

"Then why haven't you once kissed me?"

To say I wasn't expecting that question would be an understatement.

"I mean I know we've been through a lot," Addison starts, "But even before all of this," she waves a hand at her legs, "And we were together you didn't kiss me. I just thought that you weren't ready or you were still angry with me or..."

My god what did I do to this woman? She had always been so secure in my love for her, my desire for her. I know I haven't been the most affectionate guy since she came back but I didn't think I was that bad. One of Addison's philosophies in life is that 'actions speak louder than words.' Leaning forward I take her face into both hands and kiss her with all of the love that I feel for her in my soul.

When I pull away Addison is looking at me with wide eyes. Her face is flushed and I watch as her tongue darts out to lick her lips. That move always drove me wild and I go in for another kiss and this time I feel her kissing me back with an equal passion. I'd forgotten what kissing this woman was like. I remember back when we were first together how we'd spend the whole afternoon just kissing. Nothing else because that was enough for us. We were often teased that we were connected at the lips.

"Now this is a sight that I have missed."

I pull away from Addison to see the Chief standing next to us. I see Addison blushing from the corner of my eye. So cute.

"What was that," I ask

Weber grins, "I've been rooting for you guys for a long while now, to be back together. It's just nice to see it is all."

I roll my eyes to this, "Voyeurism is illegal you know."

"You're in public Shepperd."

So we are.

"Don't you have patients?"

As if triggered by those words my beeper goes off. Damned I hate those things sometimes. The Chief's beeper goes off a few seconds after mine does. Ha.

"Let me just take Adi up to her room and..."

"Derek when your beeper goes off you go," Addison smiles, "I think I can get myself to my room."

"Are you sure?"

She gives me a look to this and I hold up my hands as I get to my feet.

"Okay."

I bend down and kiss her tenderly.

"I love you. I want to be with you. Remember that."

She smiles at me, "Oh I will."

**Addison**

When Derek walks away with the Chief I am left alone with my thoughts. Oh how I have missed kissing that man. Missed it with a passion. If the way he kissed me was any indication, he missed it with a passion as well. I always did love kissing that man.

I'm glad that we are finally getting somewhere. I know intimacy isn't everything in a relationship but Derek didn't even to seem to _want _to kiss me. I got scared that he was staying with me out of obligation.

To know that he isn't means more to me than I ever realized. I was pretty secure in the knowledge that he loved me but did he still desire me was something that had been going through my brain. Especially since the incident. Did he still desire the new me? Apparently so.

I'm happy that my siblings are coming to see me. Mom and dad aren't coming out yet. They are both incredibly strong people but seeing me like this in the hospital may be too much for them. We've managed to keep them at bay until I get out of the hospital. I'm told that can happen in as little as three weeks. Amazing considering I was shot in the head not two weeks ago.

Like everyone keeps telling me, I am a medical miracle. I'm really close to Melody and Ryan. Ryan most specifically which is odd because we are nearly ten years apart in age. I never really understood why Melody hates Derek so much. To her he is beneath me.

Oh how I'd like him to be beneath me.

My mind has gone straight to the gutter as of late. Shaking my head to try and clear my thoughts I look around. Derek had gone to the outdoor eating area but closer to a small fountain with benches around it. It really is very peaceful around here. Considering it's a hospital and all. I really should go inside before they send a search party out for me. Unlocking my breaks I turn to go into the hospital and run, not literally of course, into Meredith.

"Doctor Shepperd," she says upon seeing me

I smile at her cause lets face it, I have nothing to be jealous of anymore, "Doctor Grey."

"What are you doing out here?"

I shrug to this, "Getting some fresh air."

"Do the other's know you are out here," she asked pointing a thumb back toward the hospital

I can't help but grin at this, "Yeah. Derek actually brought me out here but he was called away. I was just heading back in. What are you doing out here?"

"Trying to enjoy a rare sunny day in Seattle."

I laughed to this, "I think a lot of people have the same idea."

We both looked around to see it was crowded out here.

"Jeez, isn't anybody actually doing work today?"

"Apparently not."

She smiles at me, "Can I walk with you."

"Sure."

I move forward and she follows and we journey in silence.

"I uh...wanted to tell you that I know...what happened to you when you were a child," Meredith starts haltingly

"Which one told you," I ask not upset by the fact that she knew

"All of them actually."

Interesting.

"It's okay that you know."

"It is?"

I shrug again, "Yes. I mean it's not exactly a secret, well I guess it is considering my own therapist doesn't even know about my tortured past. Well anyway, it's fine."

I look up at her to see a tentative smile cross her face, "Okay. I just wanted you to know that I know."

"Dually noted."

"So I hear that your siblings are coming today?"

I shake my head at this, "This place really is like high school."

Meredith laughs at this, "It is sometimes isn't it?"

"To answer your inquiry my brother and sister are coming to see me. I'm going to have to put a muzzle on my sister though I think."

"Why?"

We're moving slowly through the halls and I can't help but notice the weird looks that the two us are being given. Do these people really expect for us to go all kung fu on each other or something? I bring myself back with Meredith's question.

"She hates Derek."

"Really," Meredith asks with more interest

I nod my head at this, "Always has. She was positively furious when she found out that he left me without knowing what really happened."

"I think I would have been upset as well."

I smile at this as we continue on in silence for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do anything for Izzie's birthday," I ask of Meredith

She looks at me as if she were surprised by the question.

"I think I was just going to take her out for lunch or something. Izzie isn't really into birthday's too much. Why?"

Why?

"Well I wanted to do something for her. I mean I don't know where I would be without her friendship."

Meredith looks at me with more interest, "What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, maybe a surprise party of some kind. I mean if that's okay with you?"

I glance over to see Meredith smiling at me, "It's perfectly fine. I've come to accept the friendship that you guys have, heck, that all of you have. We _are _allowed to have other friends."

I smile at this.

"I could use your help," I offer stopping off to the side of the hall out of the way of traffic

"I would love to help."

"I have to try to get myself sprung for this little event but I don't think that's going to be too much of a problem."

"You have Doctor Webber rapped around your finger."

I laugh at this, "No I don't, but I have his wife on my side so with that you can accomplish anything."

Meredith laughs at this, "I'm sure you can."

"I should probably go," I state, "I'm supposed to be starting physical therapy for today soon. I don't want them to have to come and look for me."

"Okay. I'll come to you later and we can talk?"

She says this as a question and I have to wonder if the two of us can ever be friends. We're at least being civil toward one another, which is good. Maybe planning this party together will bring us closer together.

"Yeah," I say, "If you can come around five that would be the best time. There is a lull in constant visitors around that time."

She smiles at me and nods her head. Meredith starts to walk down the hall but turns back.

"Addison?"

I turn my head to her and raise my eyebrows in question.

"You really are an amazing person," she says with one last smile and continues on

With a smile of my own I continue on to my room marveling out how much my life has improved. Things are definitely looking up.

* * *

**I know nothing much happened here but I had to give ya something. Cause I'm, unfortunately, going to be away from my beloved compy for the next couple of months and thusly have to put this story and all others on hiatus. At least until I return. But return I shall and you will learn an even deeper, darker secret from Addison's past. :)**


	13. Birthdays and Visitors

So...I'm finally back and with a new chapter to boot. Yay me! Anyway's it's good to be back and I really hope you enjoy this chapter. This chapter is sort of a filler chapter while I work on the more hard stuff that is to come. It's all going to be good in the end though. I'm still an ADDEK at heart even though the season finale makes me...grr! Anywho I hope this chapter is well liked. Obviously nothing from the current season is in this because...well a lot of the season kind of well...sucked. Enjoy!

**

* * *

****13**

**Izzie**

When Cristina requested that I get my ass down to our favorite Italian restaurant I was curious. When she said we were going to be doing that 'birthday crap' I had to smile. Only Cristina would be so nonchalant about someone's birthday. As I enter the hostess leads me to a closed door.

"Your friends are in there."

With a shrug I push open the door to hear a loud, "SURPRISE!"

I jump back at seeing all of my friends in this room that is decorated with streamers and they are even wearing little hats. When I see Addison near the front of the group I can't help the fact that I tear up at the sight of her. I knew she was getting better but somewhere in my mind I didn't believe she'd really be better till she was out of the hospital.

I hug all of my friends and then kneel down in front of Addison.

"I'm so glad that you came."

"I'm glad to be here."

"What did you have to do to get released from the hospital for tonight?"

Addison smiles and I see the sparkle of mischief in her eyes shining bright.

"You let me worry about that shall we?"

I returned her beautiful smile, "Will do."

"You go mingle and have fun. I'll be around."

Addison receives another power house hug from me and I go off to mingle with the rest of my friends.

* * *

**Meredith**

I knew that Izzie would be happy to see Addison out of the hospital and at her party but I hadn't been prepared for the depth of emotion that she would show at seeing her.

Tears.

Izzie had started to cry at seeing that Addison was here, that she was at this party. I'd been coming to terms with their friendship as of late, hell with _all _of their friendships. I'm not sure when I've seen Izzie this happy before. I think hard to try and recall and am disappointed that I have no frame of reference.

She's happy.

Really, truly happy and Addison Sheppard has played a huge part in this. I can't help but be grateful to whoever can make my best friend so happy. I make my way over to Addison who was quietly watching Izzie in an out of the way corner.

"This is pretty amazing," I say to Addison

She looks up at me, "All I did was make a few phone calls."

"I've tried to rent the private room here for ages. You usually need like...months in advance. How did you manage to get it in two days?"

Addison smiles a mischievous smile at me, "I know the owner."

"You know Pablo Noel?"

A nod, "My parents helped him finance his very first restaurant. He kind of owes my family."

"To have friends in high places," I sigh

Addison laughs to this, "It can come in handy."

I watch her watching Izzie laugh at something that Cristina said. She was smiling widely and it strikes me that I've never seen this woman this happy either. Sure, I've seen her smile and laugh but be truly content? No. The fact that she could be content with all that she had faced and the road blocks still ahead is something of a miracle I think.

"I'm glad you were able to do this for her."

"_We_," Addison states looking up at me, "We were able to do this for her...together."

"Together," I added

"Who would have thought," Addison states dryly causing me to laugh

"Certainly not me."

Later when we have all sat down to eat Addison raises her glass to make a toast.

"To Izzie, on this day of days when you grow one day closer to over the hill," everyone laughed, "I'm glad that I had a helping hand in making this a day that you won't soon forget. There are a lot of tragedies and triumphs in life, as well all well know, but it is up to us to change our own reality...to make things better for ourselves and those around us. You have changed my reality, for the better and I don't know how I'll ever be able to adequately thank you for that."

I notice that tears are rolling down Izzie's face at hearing this emotional speech. Truth be told I'm tearing up a little myself.

"We could dwell on the past, but I think we should look to the future and have the faith that all will work out for the best. To Izzie, may your future reality be as bright as you can imagine it to be."

We all clinked glasses together and I found myself wishing that Addison was right. That our future realities be bright and strong. We've dealt with a lot of tragedy. We could definitely take whatever the universe decided to throw at us next.

* * *

**Ryan Montgomery**

I can't believe that I finally get to see Addison. When I first heard that she got shot it literally felt like my heart stopped beating for a moment. I was frozen in place, unable to breath or move a muscle. Shot. In the head.

Things like that just didn't happen.

So Melody and I told our jobs that if they didn't let us go they would have to find someone else. When our respective jobs found out why we wanted the leave they gladly let us have the time off. We booked the first flight that we could and made our way out here.

We're actually on the way to the hospital after being dropping our stuff off at the hotel. As we enter the hospital and request Addison's room we told that she went out for the night and that she would be back later.

Out?

How can she go out when she was just shot? We're given her room number anyway and we go up to her room to wait. Upon entering her room we saw it decorated with cards and stuffed animals and a lot of flowers. It would appear that my big sister is well loved.

"Where do you suppose that she went to," I ask Melody

She shrugs her shoulder's, "I don't know."

She's certainly no help. I think she's still upset that Addison took Derek back. She hates that man. I've disliked him during certain points in recent history but I understand that this is the man that Addison loves, the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

Addison may grow to resent me if I hated the love of her life. I think she resents Mel just a little bit for that very reason. Walking around the room I spot some pictures sitting on the side table. I go over to them.

There are a couple with Derek and there's a few with people that I don't recognize. They're in scrubs so I have to assume that they work in the hospital in some capacity. As we were waiting a nurse came in with a watering can and started watering the various plants in the room.

"Do you know where our sister went," Melody asks

The nurse smiles, "It's the birthday of a friend of hers. Addison set up a surprise birthday party and somehow convinced Doctor Webber to let her out of the hospital to go it. She has to be back by midnight."

Glancing at my watch I see it's eleven thirty.

"Thank you," I smile at her

She cocks her head to the side as she looks at me, "You really look like her."

With that statement spoken she leaves the room. I get that a lot, that Addison and I look alike. I guess we do but it has to just be a coincidence. We are both adopted. Melody just smiles and rolls her eyes to me. Neither of us ever are told we look like her.

We both sit down to wait and two minutes to twelve Addison comes into the room. I stand when I see her and amazed at how much she has recovered, how well she looked. A blond woman was pushing her into the room and they were both smiling widely.

Addison's smile widened when she saw Melody and I standing in her room.

"I thought you guys wouldn't come to the morning, it's pretty late."

"We wanted...needed to see you," I told her bending down to hug her

"That's very sweet but I'm about five seconds from sleep," she said hugging Melody, "And I don't think you want to watch me do that."

I glanced at Melody who shrugged, "We could come back first thing in the morning. When visitors hours start."

Addison smiled, "Hell come before visitors hours start."

I couldn't help but laugh at this.

"This is Izzie Stevens by the way," Addison says to the blond who is currently attempting to take off Addison's shoes, "You don't have to do that."

"Dude, it's the least that I can do for the awesomeness that was my birthday party," this Izzie states pulling off Addison's dress socks and putting on some cotton socks

"These are my siblings," Addison states continuing the introductions, "Melody and Ryan Montgomery."

Izzie gets up and shakes our hands, "Pleasure to meet you."

She goes back to helping Addison get ready for bed by turning down the sheets and blanket. I offer to help but Izzie just waves me off with a smile. She lifts Addison to her feet and I watch as Addison leans almost her full weight against the younger woman, who doesn't even seem to notice.

Izzie moves my older sister so that her thighs are touching the bed. Using her arms Addison lifts herself on to the bed and sits there for a moment.

"I love the both of you but I'm not going to get changed in front of you," Addison smiles

I smile back at her, "Understandable. We'll be back in the morning."

She smiles vibrantly at us.

"I look forward to it."

* * *

I know that's a weird place to end but it is what it is right? More soon and a cookie goes to anyone who figures out where I'm going with this! 


	14. Secrets Revealed

**So here it is, the big reveal of just what Addison is hiding, or not hiding considering she didn't remember. Hope you likey. Feedback is my drug of choice!**

* * *

**14**

**Izzie**

After Addison's siblings went away I helped her get changed and get situated in her bed.

"Thanks again for the party," I say to her

She smiles at me, "It was a collaborative effort on mine and Meredith's part."

"Which is the trippy part," I tell her honestly causing a laugh

"I know. Who would have thought right?"

I nod, "I won't forget tonight."

"I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself."

"So are you excited that your brother and sister are here?"

A smile lights up her face, "I really am. We don't see enough of one another."

"It's a shame it took something like this to get you all together. When are your parents coming?"

"When I'm released from the hospital."

"Which is when exactly?"

Addison shrugs, "I'd think soon. I mean there isn't really any medical reason to keep me here any longer. I think Richard is keeping me here a little longer just to make sure there is no further damage."

"Understandable. You're brother is pretty cute."

Addison laughs, "He's very single just so you know."

"Good to know. You should go to sleep now."

I think she was about to protest when a wide yawn overcame her, "I think that's probably a good idea. Goodnight Izzie."

"Goodnight Addison."

She closes her eyes and I just sit and watch her sleep for a while. I know Derek likes to watch her sleep. Watch the rise and fall of her chest to see that she's still breathing, that she remains with us.

I know intellectually that she isn't going to go anywhere, that she's really okay, but you just have to check sometimes. I must have nodded off for the next thing I hear is someone yelling out.

Jerking awake I look over at Addison to see her thrashing in her sleep, in the throes of a powerful nightmare. Standing up I grab her hands.

"Addison," I say loudly

This is efficient enough to wake her up and she is upright before I can push her back down. Laying a hand on her heaving chest I gently push her back down.

"Just breathe," I say softly, "Breathe."

She starts taking in smaller breaths and her breathing returns to normal but she still has a panicked, wild eyed look about her.

"Are you okay," I ask, "I thought the nightmares ended."

Addison blinks at me for a minute, "They did. This was something altogether different. Wasn't a nightmare so much as a...memory."

"Memory?"

A nod, "I'm sorry if I woke you."

I waved her off, "Don't worry about me its you that I'm worried about."

Addison places a hand to her chest, "I'll be okay."

"I can call Derek."

"Let him rest. Being the designated driver for everyone had to have been a little tiring. He didn't even really get to enjoy the party."

"Yeah some people did get a little sloshed."

"A little?"

"Okay, a lot sloshed. Do you want to tell me about this...memory."

Addison cocks her head to the side as if considering this very option, "Not right now. There is someone that I need to talk to first."

"Whose that?"

"My mother."

I didn't really understand what she was talking about but I had the face that she would tell me when she was ready. I watch as Addison reaches to the bedside table and grabs a bottle of water and takes a healthy drink from it.

"I'm really going to be okay Izzie," she says placing the water bottle back on the table and turning to me, "I promise."

I smile, "I believe you."

"You really should go home and try to get some sleep."

"I don't think so lady. Not after I had to wake you from that nightmare or memory thingy. I have to be here in case it happens again."

Addison rolls her eyes at me but smiles anyway.

"If you say so."

"I do."

* * *

**Ryan**

Melody and I entered Addison's room in the morning, before visiting hours I might add, to see her sitting in her wheelchair by the window.

"Hey big sis," I say to her

She turns her head and smiles, "Hey little brother...Mel."

"How are you doing Addison," Melody asks

"As well as can be expected," she commented indicating her head which was covered by a dark green silk scarf, "After being shot and all. Taking it one day at a time."

"That's a good philosophy," I say to her coming further into the room and taking the chair across from her with Melody taking a seat beside me

She shrugs her shoulders.

"You don't have...any feeling in your legs," Mel hesitantly asks

Addison shakes her head, "Not a damn thing. It's not for lack of trying and wishing believe me."

"You seem so resigned about the whole thing," Mel says with a touch of disapproval

"Mel."

Addison just shakes her head, "It's okay Ryan. I'm not resigned to never feeling anything in my legs Mel...I'm realistic. There is a difference. When everything medical says you won't walk again..."

"You're giving up."

Addison rolls her eyes, "No I'm not giving up. Of course I hope that I'll walk again but I'm okay with not walking again."

"You have to give up medicine."

"Says who," I ask finally getting into this conversation, "There are plenty of doctors with a disability like Addi's."

"Yes, what he said," Addison smiles

Melody sighs, "Where is Derek?"

"Uh...working," Addison says in a tone saying 'what else'

"It's Saturday?"

"Doctor's work on Saturday's sometimes too Mel. Saving lives can be a twenty four hour thing."

A sigh from our older sister, "Fine. I'm going to go get some coffee."

She gets up and leaves in a huff. I turn back to Addison to see her looking at me intently

"Is something the matter?

She raises an eyebrow, "No. Just looking."

Odd.

"Sorry about Mel. I thought I sufficiently blackmailed her into behaving."

Addison laughs before me, "It's okay. I never really expect her to behave around me. We've always been like this."

"I know," I sigh, "How are you doing? Really."

"I'm good...truly and honestly."

"Yeah?"

A nod, "Yeah."

"What's with the scarf?"

"They had to shave the side of my head for the surgery to get the bullet out. It looked odd so I shaved my whole head."

"Are you kidding me," I exclaimed in surprise

I always loved her hair. She laughs and shakes her head.

"No, I didn't shave my head. They did shave a little patch though. When I can get to a hair dresser we can figure out how to hide that."

"Good, don't scare me like that woman."

Throughout my visit with her I notice that she keeps staring at me more intensely than she usually does, like she's looking for something.

"I called mom this morning and convinced her and dad to come out today."

"You did," I asked in surprise

They weren't going to come until Addison was out of the hospital.

"Why," I ask her

She cocks her head to the side and shrugs, "I needed my mommy."

I can tell that this isn't the whole truth and am not sure why she is lying to me. She never lies to me.

"You're lying," I state

She sighs softly and with a small smile, "You always could tell when I was lying. I need to ask them a question."

"A question that can't wait till you get out of the hospital?"

"No."

"Tell me what's bothering you," I ask taking her hands into mine

"You're B negative right," she asks me catching me off guard

What does my blood type have to do with this?

"Yes, but I don't understand what that has to do with anything."

"I'm B negative ," she states

"Okay."

"2 percentof the population has it."

I still don't have the faintest idea what she's talking about.

"I almost died during surgery because they didn't have enough blood that was my type," she says softly, "Luckily they were able to get some from a nearby hospital."

"You want me to donate blood?"

"Yes," she states with a smile, "That would be...helpful."

"You know I don't understand you right now right?"

"I do know," she says, "But you will. Can you do that now?"

"Donate blood?"

"Yes."

I stand from my chair, "Sure. I'll see you later."

I kiss her on the cheek and make my way to donate some blood.

* * *

**Addison**

I know Ryan doesn't have any earthly idea what I'm talking about but he will...in time. I wheel myself out of my room to look for someone. I need someone who can think devious, just not think it but be it. I see Alex Karev up ahead. Perfect.

"Alex," I state

He turns to me with a smile, "Hey, it's good to see you out here."

"It feels good to be out here. Listen I need a favor from you."

"Anything."

"My brother Ryan is going to go give some blood and I want you to be the one to draw it from him."

"What?"

"I want you to..."

He holds up a hand, "I heard what you said. Draw some blood."

"He's very nervous with nurses doing it. Bad experience when he was a boy. "

"Sounds reasonable."

"Just one thing," I say holding up my hand

"What's that?"

"I want you draw a vial of his blood along with the blood bag and give the vial to me."

The look on Alex' face is priceless.

"Can I ask what you're planning on doing with this vial of blood?"

"Nothing illegal or tawdry I can assure you."

Alex shrugs, "Hey what you do with it is up to you. I'll come find you once it's done."

"Thank you Alex."

"Not a problem Doctor Shepperd."

Alex saunters off and I can't help but wonder for a moment if what I'm doing is nuts. About twenty minutes later I am in my room when Alex comes in. He pulls a small vial out of his pocket and hands it to me.

"Ryan said he was going to go to his hotel and take a nap and that he'll come see you later."

"Giving blood always did take a lot out of him."

"Did you need anything else?"

"No, I think you helped enough."

With a wink and a smile he was off. I need another cohort in crime now. I can't ask Alex to do anything else for me. As I ponder who to ask Cristina Yang peaks her head into my room.

"How are you doing today," she asks stepping further into the room

"I'm doing wonderful. How are you?"

A shrug, "You know things are...same as always."

"I can imagine."

"I actually just stopped in to say hi. Bailey is probably looking for me about now."

"Cristina," I ask, "Can you do me a really big favor?"

"Sure."

I held up the vial.

"You don't have some blood fetish now do you?"

"Hardly. I want you to take this vial and run it against my blood."

"We're looking for what exactly," Cristina asks curiously

"All in good time Cristina. Can you do this and be secretive about it?"

"Secretive is my middle name," she says taking the blood from me

I can tell when someone is intrigued.

"Can you at least tell me whose blood this is?"

I shake my head.

"I'll put a rush on it and have it back to you by the end of the day," Cristina says pocketing the vial

"Thank you."

She leaves and I'm left to myself for most of the day. Derek comes in and had lunch with me and I almost tell him what I'm doing but I have to wait for the results. I'm waiting none to patiently at that.

Close to seven I'm reading the new _Dean Koontz _book when Cristina enters with a folder in her hand.

"The results actually came in a couple hours ago but I couldn't get away till now," she says handing the papers to me, "I didn't look at them in case you were wondering."

"I didn't think you did."

I look at the name on the folder and it reads _Schnauzer_.

"Schnauzer," I ask

"I had to come up with something," Cristina shrugs

I can't help but laugh, "Thank you."

"See you tomorrow."

"Later."

She leaves once again and I take a breath before opening the folder. I read slowly not to miss anything and when done I close the folder.

"Oh my god," I whisper, "Ryan ismy son."

* * *

**I bet you five dollars none of you were expecting that(except Steph cause she already knew). Ask me where I came up with this idea and I'll say 'got me'. Hope you enjoyed.**


	15. Shocking Talk and the Rock

**Okay, so this chapter took a decidely different turn thanI had expected for it too. I like it though, and hopefully youwill too. I don't have a clear place on where I want this to end and this might justend up being four hundred chapters...who knows. This is officially one hundred and one pages on Word. Woo! This is pretty long because I couldn't find a good place to end it. Feedback is the spice of life. Enjoy!**

* * *

**15**

**Addison**

I am left reeling from this new information. The person I grew up with, the man I've always considered my brother, my younger brother, was really my son.

A son fathered by my own father.

I shiver at that particular thought and attempt to dispel it from my mind. I wheel myself over to the window and look out to see the setting sun. I had a child I didn't know about. I was still but a child myself when I gave birth to Ryan.

Ten.

I was freaking ten years old when he was born. God no wonder I blocked the whole thing out. This was the memory that I had that Izzie was so concerned over. Giving birth. I get why my parents never told me about this. The nightmares of unseen violence were bad enough.

The memories of what my father did to me and my family was even worse. To know that I had a child from being raped by my own father– a lot for a child to handle.

As I sit contemplating this there is a knock on the doorframe of my room. I look up to see both of my parents standing on the doorstep. Despite the grim realizations I'd just come to and the questions I had for them I was happy to see them.

My mother was across the roomin seconds and enveloped me in a hugthat could crack your back.

"Hi mom," I say softly rubbing her back

After holding me close for a few minutes she lets me go and my father helps her to her feet. He bends down and pulls me into a hug.

"You look good pumpkin," my father Mica Montgomery spoke

"I feel good daddy."

When he straightens him and my mother, Sierra, take seats across from me.

"I know we could go through small talk and what not but you asked us here for a reason," dad says getting straight to the point, "What is it?"

I take in a deep breath, "I want to ask you a question and you have to promise me that you'll tell me the truth, you have to promise."

I see my parents glance to one another in mild surprise. They have to know this is big considering I never ask promises of anybody unless it's big.

"We promise," mother speaks

"Is...Ryan my...son?"

_That _question certainly caught them off guard if their looks are any indication. They look completely bewildered.

"The truth," I say as I see the wheels turning in their heads

"Yes," my mom states straightening in her chair

That's certainly succinct and to the point.

"Okay then," I say not knowing quite what to say

What are you _supposed _to say to that?

"Honey," my mother starts, "There were reasons that we never told you about..."

"I understand that," I said interrupting, "I'm not angry with you for protecting me from that particular reality. What I'm upset over is that you never told me when I got older."

"By then it was too late honey. He considered us his parents and you his sister."

"I'm not saying I would have done anything," I say raking a hand through my hair trying to figure out how best to explain this when I barely understood myself, "It would have been nice to know that I had a child. Considering he's the only kid I'm ever going to have."

I hadn't really intended to drop that little bomb on my parents and watch their faces morph into shocked visages.

"You can't...have children," my mother stammers

I shake my head, "Derek and I had tests done years ago when we couldn't conceive. I am quite infertile it would appear."

My parents were silent for a long moment.

"So Ryan is the only child you are ever going to have?"

"Quite."

The two elder Montgomery's sat in silence at hearing this particular tidbit of information.

"Maybe it's time we told Ryan the truth," mom says clearly surprising us all

"Tell me what," comes from the doorway

_Shit!_

This is the first thought that comes to mind at seeing Ryan standing on the threshold of my hospital room. He slowly enters and sits on the bed facing us. I glance at my parents to see them staring at me with determined looks. Dad pulls mother to her feet with a resolute nod.

"We're going to go check into the hotel. We'll see you too later."

They leave and I watch as Ryan sits in the chair across from me.

"What's up? What did you want to tell me?"

I rub the back of my head for a moment and then drop it when I realize I'm touching the scar that the gunshot left. How to begin? Licking my lips I realize that I know where to start.

"For most of my life," I begin, "I have felt like something was missing from. I never could figure out what it was. I always felt like it was well within my reach I just...couldn't reach far enough."

I pause for a moment seeing no comprehension in Ryan's eyes.

"As you know my childhood was by no means ideal."

"I know Adi," Ryan speaks taking my hand

"There are things that I couldn't remember about that time, things I made myself forget. Recently I remembered what it was I forgot...that elusive something."

"I'm not understanding what you're trying to tell me," he says softly

I take in a deep breath and realize that there is no turning back now, "I had a child when I was very young...from the attacks by my father...that child is you."

Ryan slips his hand out of mine and leans back.

"I know."

_Wait...What?_

"What?" I ask clearly astonished, "You know? How long have you known?"

"I'm not sure precisely how long I've known, not long but I think on some level I always knew."

How to respond? How to respond? I come up empty and just stare at him. He sees my confusion and smiles gently taking my hand once again.

"I've always felt connected to you, you know?"

I nod.

"Growing up I realized very early on that I was more like you than anyone else in our family. I always imagined that we came from the same parents and that we were separated until we were adopted...technically we did come from the same father but..."

"Not in the way you would imagined," I grimaced

He nodded his head, "I realized I knew for sure when you were talking about how we had the same blood type."

"Oh."

This whole conversation was going _way _differently than I thought it would be going.

"How do you feel about all of this?"

Ryan shrugged, "Relieved."

"Relieved?"

"I finally know where I came from."

Yeah I can see how that would be a relief.

"You know what's weird," Ryan asks suddenly, "Other than this whole situation?"

"What?"

"I can't believe neither of us figured it out before now."

"What do you mean?"

"I am the spitting image of you," Ryan smiles, "Everyone sees it."

I frowned at this as it was true. Everyone was always commenting on how much we looked like each other. I reach out and touch his blond hair and can't help but grin.

"What's that look," Ryan asks

"It's just that we look alike in everything but hair."

"Yes, well if you hadn't gone and died it when you werea teenagerwe would look more alike."

"Is it weird for you knowing that my father is your father? Of course it's weird."

"It is weird but I mostly feel bad that you had to go through something like that. Can I tell you a secret?"

I nod.

"Growing up I wished that you were my mother."

"Say what?"

Ryan smiles a smile that is clearly all me, "I love mom and dad and all but I never felt that I belonged with them. Everytime I was with you it just...felt right. Turns out my wish came true."

"But...mom and dad..."

He gets down on his knees in front of me, "No. _You _are my mother and I'm not going to let that go. I won't do it," he said pulling me into a fierce hug

I couldn't help but hug him back just as tightly. My son. I realize the scope of all of this an I quite suddenly burst into tears. He pulls back to look at me and I attempt to quell my tears but _that _turns out to be an exercise in futility as the hot tears keep coming.

"I realize this is a stupid question but what's wrong?"

I can't help but laugh at that, "Just everything. I think it finally sunk in you know?"

He hods and an odd smile lights up his face as he gets into his chair again.

"What," I ask

"I think I finally understood why I wasso jealous of Derek growing up?"

"Why?"

"He was took my mommy away from me."

My eyes widen slightly as he shrugs.

"I always resented him a little and I wasn't quite sure why. I think at a young age I realized the truth but didn't _realize _the truth. You know what I mean?"

"I think so," I comment kind of understanding

"How do you feel about this," he asks suddenly

"Me?"

"I'm ecstatic at finally knowing the truth, but you haven't really said how you felt about it all. You can tell me."

"I'm still trying to process, but I'm thrilled that I finally know...that I finally see."

A beautiful smile blossoms over his handsome face.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why didn't you and Derek ever have any children together?"

I straightened a little at this question, "Because I can't have children."

His double take is almost funny.

"What?"

"There were apparently some issues after you were born that I wasn't aware of and it left me unable to have anymore children."

Ryan seemed significantly horrified by this answer.

"You're telling me that I'm the only kid you're ever going to have?"

"This is what I'm saying," I answer

"I'm so sorry," he states

"It's not like it's your fault or anything," I answer back, "You were the innocent in all of this."

"So were you," he states looking at me evenly

He makes a rather valid point and I'm left silent at this.

"What do we do now," he asks suddenly

I raise my eyebrows in question.

"Look, I'm grateful for being raised by two loving parents but I want them and the world to know that you are my mother."

The look on my face must have been something for Ryan smiled slightly.

"You do," I ask after a moment

He gets out of the chair again and kneels before me, "I know that my birth wasn't something you were particularly proud of or something you even want to remember for that matter, but I'm glad that you had me."

"I am too."

"What do you want? Whatever it is that you want I'll do."

He's giving me an out I realize suddenly. Ryan realizes the scope of all of this and at my say so he would willingly hide the truth. Bury it so to speak and never speak of it again. Could I do that to him? Could I do that to me?

"I think we should tell everyone," I smile after a moment

The look of pure joy on his face is something that I think I'll remember for always and ever.

"Are you sure," he asks, "Maybe you should talk to Derek first."

Now that's something I hadn't thought of.

"He doesn't know any of this does he?"

I shake my head and Ryan chuckles softly.

"You tell him anything and everything and I'll be back."

I nod my head as he gets to his feet and turn to look out the window.

"Mom?"

My goodness that word sounds strange coming from his mouth but I turn my head to look at him anyway.

"I love you," he responds with

"I love you too."

* * *

**Derek**

I'm just about to go and look for Addison when I see her appear around the corner. It takes her a few minutes to get to me for she keeps getting stopped by well meaning colleagues. Finally she gets to me and I lean down and kiss her. Once I stand upright I take a good look at her. There's something in her eyes, something I can't quite describe.

"What's wrong," I ask

She shrugs, "Just going a little stir crazy so I decided to come ane see what you were doing."

I smile at her as we make our way down the hall, "I'm glad you found me."

I see her smile up at me and my heart skips a beat just then. God I love her smile. I notice the look again.

"Is there something you want to talk about?"

She nods her head, "Can we go to your office?"

"Sure," I say trying not to be nervous about what she wanted to talk to me about

Together we go to my office and Addison stops in front of the couch clearly telling me to get comfortable. As I take a seat I try to think if I've done anything lately to make her upset with me. I can't think of anything off hand. I quietly take both of her hands into my own.

"I need to tell you something...something big," Addison says after licking her lips and taking in a small breath

"You can tell me anything Addi. You know that."

She nods her head.

A pause and then she launches in, "The other day I remembered something. Something big...something that I repressed."

"Repressed? Does it have anything to do with your father."

I see her eyes light up as I seem to grasp where she's heading. It warms me that we are becoming in sync with one another onceagain.

"So you remembered something from when you were young?"

Addison nods, "This memory brought confusion but I knew of a way to see if were true or not," she swallows and continues, "So I enlisted the help of Alex and Cristina."

That's interesting.

"Nothing we did was illegal or anything...per se," she said frowning a bit

"Illegal?"

"Not illegal," she says again

"What did you find out?"

She takes in a deep breath and lets it out and closes her eyes for a moment. I can tell that whatever it is, is going to be a doozy.

"Ryan is my son."

This she blurts out and snaps her mouth shut after the statement is through. Ryan is her son. Ryan...her brother is her son. How can...dear lord! Addison starts nodding as she sees my reaction.

"From your..."

"Yes."

"This is what you remembered? Giving birth?"

"This is what I remembered," she speaks softly, "I had to know for sure Derek."

I squeeze her hands tightly, "I understand Adi. What did you do?"

"I asked my parents the truth."

"You asked them something like this over the phone?"

She shakes her head, "They took the red eye to get here."

When Addison wants something done she is certainly quick about it.

"What did your parents say?"

"That Ryan is my son."

"Just like that?"

"I made them promise to tell me the truth before I asked my question."

I nod my head in understanding. She only breaks out the 'promise me the truth' thing in dire emergencies.

"Then what happened?"

"I talked to Ryan?"

I didn't expect that, "You told him the truth? No wonder you're freaking out."

"Telling Ryan isn't what freaked me out."

"It wasn't? Then what?"

"He already knew."

"I don't think I heard you right," I state shifting on the couch, "You're telling me that Ryan knew that you were his mother and not his sister?"

"This is what I'm saying."

I let go of one of her hands and run it through my hair. Wow.

"So Ryan tells you that he knows that you're his mother and..."

"Precedes to tell me that he has always considered me his mother and he has the utmost respect for mom and dad but would like it very much if we told the world at large that I'm his mother."

This keeps getting better and better.

"You're reaction was?"

"Shock and I don't know," she shrugs, "I was happy. I mean, yeah the circumstances of his birth could have been different but he's the only child I'm ever going to have."

Both hands are in mine once again.

"We realized that I needed to talk to you first."

"Me?"

"This will be affecting your life too. People are going to find out about how much of a nutcase your wife is."

I can't help but smile, "You are a nutcase I'll admit but I don't think anyone will treat you any different."

Addison slaps me playfully at calling her a nutcase.

"So this is okay?"

I nod my head and kneel before her, "It's more than okay sweets. I want you to be happy and if this will make you happy I'm all for it."

A beautiful smile blossoms over her face and I know I made the right choice.

"Anything else happen today I should know about," I ask getting into my chair as the hard floor isn't good for the old knees

She shakes her head with a small smile, "This wasn't enough?"

"It was plenty," respond back with a smile of my own, "Do you think you can possibly take anymore surprises for today?"

"I'm all about surprises apparently."

I kiss her hand and get up going over to my desk, "Do you know what today is," I ask her

She makes a show of thinking about it, "Sunday?"

"Yes, smartass but do you know it's relevance to us? To our past?"

She really is trying to think about it now, "It's not our anniversary or a birthday. I give up."

I grab something out of my drawer and go toward her, "It is an anniversary of sorts though."

"Really? What kind?"

"The day I proposed to you," I spoke sitting down in front of her

She cocks her head to the side and closes her eyes as if trying to remember. When I see her face scrunch up and she sighs I know she doesn't remember. This, we discovered just recently, is one of her unfortunate side effects of getting shot. Some of her memories are just...gone.

"It's okay Adi," I speak when she opens her eyes, "I can remember it for the both of us."

She gives me a shaky smile, "How did you propose?"

"We loved going to this little Chinese restaurant near the Brownstone. They had these jumbo fortune cookies that you couldn't get enough of. You always demanded the fortune cookies before your meal and were alwaysgiven two. The first fortune said 'Will you marry me'?"

"You seriously did that?"

I nodded vigorously, "Yes."

"What did the second one say?"

"It didn't say anything. It had a ring inside...this ring," I say rubbing a finger over her engagement ring

"That was a very clever thing to do. I bet I loved it."

"You did and of course you said yes."

"You said there was a surprise," Addison asks getting me back on track

"Right. This isn't a fortune cookie but I think it'll do."

I hand her a small velvet box and she takes it shakily. She opens it and I know the moment she takes a good look at the ring inside.

"The engagement ring I gave you all those years ago was something that Sav helped me pick out. This one is your mothers."

She looks up at me in confusion, "I saw my mom earlier and she was still wearing it and this wasn't it."

"Wrong mother."

She looks up at me sharply, "Wh-what?"

"After making a thousand and one phone calls I found out that the personal effects of your family was kept by the police. I had them send it to me and inside the envelope was this," I say pointing to the Diamond and Sapphire ring, "I thought you'd want it and I was a good way to ask you to marry me."

"We're already married," she comments absently taking the ring out and studying it closely

"I'm aware of that," I state with a smile, "I think it's a good idea if we renew our vows."

Addison finally takes her eyes from the ring and looks up at me, "Really?"

"Yes really."

Addison gave my one of the most radiant smiles I had ever seen and had to swallow at the things it did to me.

"Well then I accept."

With that statement said I swooped forward taking her into a kiss that I hoped showed how much she meant to me.

* * *

**Well, isn't Derek just being all McDreamy and stuff? I actually can stand writing him in the story...go figure. Tell me what you think!**


	16. Random Encounters?

Wow, it's been a long time hasn't it. You know the drill, life, work...yada. Hope you haven't forgotten about this little story or have given up your love for Addek.

* * *

16

**Derek**

Now that Addison has accepted my proposal to marry me again I find myself floundering on what to do. It's been two days since she dropped the bomb that Ryan, her adoptive brother, is really her son. The son she had from being attacked by her own father. People were taking it pretty well; well as well as they can under the circumstance anyway.

I expected Sierra and Mica to take this news the worst but surprisingly they seem rather okay with the whole idea. Sure they are sad that they lost a son but they gained a grandson so they can't really complain all that much.

People are pretty excited about Addison and I getting married again. More excited than I'd thought they'd be and I may have to rethink getting remarried with just the two of us under the setting sun on some tropical something. Thinking of whisking her off to some tropical island gets me thinking about something else.

Addison is going to be released in four days. This should be a cause of excitement right? I am excited but also freaking out a little because we don't have a home to go to. The trailer is so out because her wheelchair, a custom designed wheelchair that the neonatal/obstetrics staff chipped in for, won't fit.

I don't want us to have to stay in a hotel because I want her to come to something a little homier than that.

"Don't hurt yourself with thinking too hard Shepherd," Melody states coming into my office

"Melody. What a pleasant surprise."

"I'm sure it's always a pleasure for you to see me."

I grin, "It is actually. I rather enjoy our sparring matches."

She sits down on the chair in front of my desk, "As do I. What had you thinking so hard?"

"Trying to decide where Addison and I should live."

"That little place you got her to live in to torment her isn't going to cut it huh?"

I love how Melody manages to put insults in the simplest of sentences.

"No, it isn't going to work and I don't want her to have to got to a hotel."

"Don't you have quite a chunk of land Shepherd?"

That woman never calls me by my given name.

"Yes, I do but I can't build a house in four days."

She smirks at me, "Yes I know. All Addison has ever wanted is a place to call home with the man she loves, which unfortunately is you. Surprise her with the blueprints of a house and she wouldn't mind if you lived in a cardboard box."

I, grudgingly, admit this is a good idea. I actually already have blueprints of a house drawn up we just need to get the ball rolling. "For once you have a good idea."

"So charming," Melody comments with a roll of her eyes

"I just have to find a temporary place for us till then though, someplace wheelchair accessible too."

Melody leans back in her chair and stares at me so intensely I must have something on my face or coffee on my shirt. After looking down and seeing I'm fine I look back up at her, "What?"

"You really do love my sister don't you?"

I sit up straighter at her voicing this, "Of course I do."

I watch, as Melody seems to be thinking about something. Finally she sighs, "I'm going to give you a gift."

"Becoming a mime and moving to another country? You really shouldn't have but I accept."

She glares at me, "The gift is some knowledge that you may not know about. There is a townhouse apartment complex near here that Addison is completely in love with. She's told me about it many, many times..."

I clap my hands together, "Why didn't I think of that? Marigold Towers. She told me about that."

I am busy pulling the phonebook out of my desk and miss the look of shock on Melody's face.

"You knew about that?"

"I do listen to Addi when she talks," I state rifling through the book, "Even when she thought I wasn't."

Melody just stares at me as if I just told her that I'm an alien.

"What?"

She shakes her head, "Are you going to call or what?"

Crazy woman.

"Yes I'm going to call."

* * *

**Addison**

I am currently in physical therapy trying to keep my legs from atrophying and am pondering my husband. He asking to renew our vows was beyond amazing. Giving me my birth mother's ring was a miraculous touch. I look at the ring that is on the index finger of my left hand. It's a beautiful ring. Something that my bastard father did right at.

"Are you even paying attention," my physical therapist Beau asks with a smirk

"Were you talking to me?"

"No."

"Then what is there to pay attention to," I ask with a smile

He just shakes his head and gently grabs my left leg. One hand is at my ankle and the other is at my knee and he pushes my leg back bending at the knee and then forward again.

Not being able to feel any of this, just watching him do it, is still very strange. I lean my head back and think about something that has been weighing heavily on my mind as of late, where are Derek and I going to live? Derek doesn't seem too concerned about this but I am.

With my wheelchair there is no way that I'd be able to fit in the trailer. I don't think I could even get through the doorway. Where are we supposed to go? As I ponder this I see an upside down visage of Izzie Stevens come into the physical therapy room.

"Hey," she smiles dropping down on the ground next to my head

I turn my head and sit up on my elbows to look at her, "Hey yourself. What are you doing here?"

"I found myself bereft of any patients and I was wondering what I should do with all the free time and decided to come here and keep you company."

"So sweet," I smile

She smiles back glancing at Beau who had switched to my right leg. A pang went through me at this knowing that I didn't even notice cause I didn't feel anything.

"Are you okay," Izzie asks

I turn my attention back to her, "I'm okay."

She raises an eyebrow at me.

"I promise."

Izzie smiles, "I don't believe you but we'll leave it at that."

"Magnanimous of you."

"Isn't it? What were you thinking about when I came in here?"

"About Derek and I are going to live."

"The trailer isn't going to cut it huh?"

"No."

"I'm sure Doctor Shepherd has something up his sleeve."

"I'm sure he does," I answer not knowing if I should believe it or not

Izzie smiles at me and turns her head-watching Beau. There is something that she wants to say to me but can't bring herself to say exactly.

"What," I ask

She looks up at me with wide eyes, "What?"

"You want to tell me something?"

She flushes and rubs her face, "Um, this was weird enough before but now…even weirder."

"Just say it."

"Ryan asked me out," she blurts

I grin at how cute she is, "You're freaking out because you were asked out on a date?"

She frowns, "Not because I was asked out on date. This is your son."

"And?"

Izzie looks at me with wide eyes, "You wouldn't mind if I went out with Ryan?"

"I've only known he's my son for like a week Izzie. If he likes you and you like him I'm all for it."

"Really?"

I nod, "But if you ever hurt him I will kill you best friend or not."

The look on Izzie's face is priceless and a helpless giggle escapes me, and she huffs out a breath crossing her arms across her chest.

"That's not funny."

"I think it is," I giggle, "What about you Beau?"

"Kind of mean," he states but then smiles, "But also funny."

Izzie rolls her eyes to this, "So I have your blessing or whatever."

"Go forth and be merry," I smile

She smiles back up at me and we both turn our attention to Beau when he claps his hands together and declares, "You're done!"

He offers to put me in my wheelchair but I wave him off and haul myself into it, "Have to learn how to do it myself you know," I smile up at him

He nods his approval, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Later."

Izzie gets to her feet and we leave the room together, "Are you excited about leaving," she asks me

I glance up at her, "Yeah. There's quite a difference between living here because you work 24/7 and living here because you're a patient."

"I'd imagine there would be," Izzie surmises, "Are you sure you're okay with me going out with Ryan?"

"Do you want me not to be Izzie?"

She shakes her head vigorously.

"Then I'm sure I'm fine with it."

I smiled up at her to show that I was sincere and turned my head when I saw Derek coming toward us.

"May I borrow my wife for a moment," Derek smiles at Izzie

She nods, "I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Sure thing Iz."

Derek moves behind me and starts down the hall.

"Ugh, now you can take me wherever you want to," I laugh

Derek laughs, 'Yes, yes I can."

"So where are you taking me?"

"How do you feel about going outside?"

"I love outside," I smile

"And I love you," Derek says running his hand along the side of my neck

How I love this man.

* * *

**Derek**

I take Addison outside where we sit in the bright sunlight. I situate her chair so that when I straddle the end of a bench we are facing each other.

"I wanted to talk to you about where we are going to live."

She smiles at me, "I was wondering about that seeing as how I get out of this place in a few days."

"I figured as much. What would you say about building a house on our land?"

By the smile on her face and the light in her eyes I figure she likes that idea.

"I love that idea but that doesn't fix where we are going to live for now."

"I made an appointment for us to tour Marigold Towers later today."

Addison's eyes widen and she beams a huge smile at me, "Really?"

I nod, "I remember you telling me about it."

"That was a while ago. I didn't think you were listening to me at the time."

"Well I was and if we both like it we can move in and start on our house."

Addison takes my hand intertwining our fingers, "I like the sound of that."

"What?"

"_Our house_," she smiles

I smiled, "I like the sound of that too."

"What time is our appointment?"

"Four."

Addison glances at her watch and frowns seeing as how it was only noon. I laugh at the look on her face. She hits me in the arm.

"So I'm excited to be getting out of this joint and finally being alone with my gorgeous husband."

"I can see if they have an earlier appointment."

Another bright smile, "That would be nice."

* * *

Seemingly very random I know, but this is going somewhere I promise and something is something right? Believe it or not another chapter to follow. 


	17. From The Woodwork

**See, didn't I promise? Two chapters in one day! Enjoy!**

**

* * *

****17**

**Diana Swift **

When I first got a phone call from a Doctor from Seattle Grace I was thrilled. Having someone of his caliber in the Towers would be amazing. I was surprised when I got a call back asking if I had an earlier appointment.

"Don't we have an appointment a few hours from now?"

I heard Derek Shepherd laugh on the other end, "We did but my wife is a little impatient to see the condo. She's been in love with Marigold Towers for a while now. It's okay if you don't have an earlier appointment."

This guy sounded really in love with his wife.

"You're actually in luck. My one o'clock canceled on me."

"Oh sweet," he spoke, "Addison is going to love me forever, not that she doesn't already but…I'll be there at one."

"I'll see you then," I can't help but laugh

As I shut my phone the name he says registers in my head. Addison. Addison Shepherd. Why does that name sound familiar to me?

I'm standing in the lobby when I see a tall man with fabulous hair and rugged good looks coming towards me pushing the wheelchair of a beautiful redhead. They make their way over to me. She looks familiar to me somehow.

"Diana Swift," the male asks

"Yes, you are Derek Shepherd?"

"Yes and this is my wife Addison."

I shake hands with the both of them. I look at Addison carefully as she looks really familiar. She must notice my staring and raises her eyes at me.

"I'm sorry you just look really familiar to me."

She smiles, "I was on the news a few months ago. Shot in the head and all by a crazed patient."

"I remember that. That's probably what it is. Shall we."

We get into the elevator and go up into the empty penthouse apartment. I like to let my clients wander around the apartment themselves. Get the feel of the place.

"Hey Adi, they have walk in closets," I hear from the master bedroom

"Is it wide enough for me and my new wheels," Addison yells back

"And then some," comes a muffled reply and I assume he is inside of the closet.

I have to smile at this. From what little I've seen of these two they are very much in love.

"Hey Montgomery," Derek yells

"What Shepherd?"

"Come here."

I hear no more as the name he called her registered in my head. Montgomery. Addison Montgomery. It couldn't be. Could it? How many Addison Montgomery's were there in the world?

I follow the sound of their voices into the master bedroom and into the open bathroom to see them both sitting in the giant whirlpool bathtub. I laugh as I see this.

"I'm sorry Ms. Swift," Addison states blushing slightly, "My husband wanted to see if we could both fit."

I hold up my hand, "Say no more. It is a good requirement to have. I heard you call for Montgomery earlier."

Addison smiles, "Derek likes to call me by maiden name for fun. My full name is Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Quite a mouthful," I state, "Um how do you feel about this place?"

The two Shepherd look to one another and then to me, "We'll take it," the say in unison

"Excellent. I'll go get the paperwork started

I leave the room and go to the dining room and sit down with my briefcase. A few minutes later Addison Shepherd comes over to the table pushing the chair out of the way.

"Is their something about me that disturbs you," she asks softly

"No," I say shaking my head, "I just…used to know an Addison and you remind me of her, but her last name wasn't Montgomery."

"What was it?"

"Schaeffer."

Addison's eyes widen and her mouth drops open, "Ho...how did you know her?"

"She was my niece."

Addison straightens, "She didn't have a sister."

"What," I ask

"My mother didn't have any siblings," Addison state more firmly

It's my turn to be shocked, "Uh…we hadn't talked in a long time. We had a huge fight when she decided to get married to your uh…father and we cut each other out of our lives. By the time I found out what happened you'd already been adopted and I'd lost my only living relative."

Addison frowns and looks down at the table, "How do I know if you're telling me the truth?"

I sit trying to think of something and then I grab my purse digging out my wallet and hand it to her, showing her the pictures inside. I watch, as she looks at a picture of my beloved Lilly and myself.

Addison runs her fingers across her mother's image, "Derek," she yells startling me

He comes running toward us, "What? What's wrong?"

"This is my aunt."

Derek looks from Addison to me and back, "I don't understand. I didn't think your parents had any siblings."

"They don't. This is my birth mother's sister."

"I didn't think she had siblings either."

"They had a falling out and essentially disinherited each other."

Derek looks at me and narrows his eyes, "How can we be sure?"

Addison holds up the picture in front of his face.

"I think we might need more proof than just a picture of Ms. Swift and your mother."

Addison frowns, "I do seem to be collecting biological relatives," she muses looking over at me

I'm not sure what that means exactly and just sit and stare at them.

"I'd be happy to submit to any test you want me too."

"Sounds like a plan," Derek states, "But first can we get this paperwork out of the way?"

I nod vigorously, "Yeah, I can do that."

* * *

**Derek**

We did those tests and according to the results Ms. Diana Swift is indeed Addison's biological aunt. In the span of a couple of weeks Addison gain not one but two biological relatives. Pretty crazy stuff.

I go into the living room and see Addison staring out of the wall to ceiling picture windows of one wall down at the Seattle skyline.

"Hey," I say coming over to her and kneeling beside her, "How's it going?"

"This is a beautiful view," she says taking her eyes off of the view and looking at me

"Very beautiful," I say looking at Addison

She turns and sees me staring at her and she blushes slightly. I still love that I can cause that reaction in her.

"I can't believe I have an aunt. Someone that knew my mother."

"It is a lot to take in I'll give you. Other than the shock of meeting this new aunt how are you doing?"

"A little overwhelmed to tell you the truth," Addison smiles at me, "A lot has happened this year."

"That's an understatement."

"How are you doing?"

"Me?"

"People are always asking me how I'm doing. I want to know how you are doing."

I'm a little surprised by this and don't have any immediate answer.

"You do know how you are doing don't you?"

She asks with that smirk and raised eyebrow of hers and I can't help but grin. Instead of respond I lift Addison up out of her chair and carry her into the bedroom with her laughing the whole way. I lay her down on the bed and lay on my side next to her, just watching.

She gets up on her elbows and turns to me, "How are you Derek? Really?"

"I'm a little overwhelmed too," I answer honestly, "I mean I know you've had a lot to deal with and…"

Addison takes my hand into hers, "Derek I know this has been hard on you. There was my thing with Mark and your relationship with Meredith and then you saw me get…executed basically and I know it's been hard on you. You don't have to be strong all the time for my sake."

"Did I ever say I was sorry for the whole Meredith thing," I ask

She looks up at the ceiling, "No, but I know that you're sorry for it."

"I just don't understand how we got so lost Adi."

"We stopped communicating with one another, our careers started to become more important to us then our marriage. We stopped touching," she adds if a touch wistful

"Yes, touching," I smile

"I wanted to talk to you about that actually. I've been a little nervous."

"You can tell me anything Adi."

"I know. It's just that things are going to be so different between us. I don't even know if I would feel anything…If I would feel you during sex."

"I must admit," I started, "Sex with you was always something that I did enjoy but I didn't marry you because of the sex. I married you because I love _you_. All of you and it's late to get rid of me now."

I see her smile slightly.

"I know you're scared of that particular step and I'm scared too. Whenever you are ready we'll take it slow. There are other ways to pleasure one's partner."

"I like the sound of that."

I lean forward and kiss her soundly and the doorbell ringing interrupts us.

"I'll get it," I say jumping over her and to my feet

"Derek," Addison says stopping me

I turn back to her and she holds up her arms.

"Oh sorry."

I go over to her and pick her up depositing her in her wheelchair before going to the door. Upon opening it I see Izzie, George, Cristina, Burke, Bailey and Alex at the door.

"Well look who it is. Did you leave anyone at the hospital?"

"Callie and Meredith got stuck in a surgery on our way out," Burke says coming into the foyer, "They'll be by later. This is very nice Shepherd."

They all walk passed me and into the large living room where they spot Addison who smiles winningly at them.

"Welcome to our temporary home, such as it is. Our stuff is being shipped from Manhattan as we speak."

"It's very you," Izzie speaks giving Addison a hug followed by George and in something that surprises even me Cristina gives Addison a hug as well

I'll never understand how Addison was able to so thoroughly charm everyone around her. Hell, even her and Meredith are friends. That's just weird. She gets a hug from Preston and Bailey too.

"I just feel so loved today."

"It's good that Richard actually let you out of the hospital two days early," Preston comments, "I thought he was going to keep you there forever."

"It was starting to feel like that," Addison smiles as everyone takes up seats around the room.

* * *

Random place to stop I know, but it has it's purpose. You'll see. I'm starting to deal with issues Addison is going to have with being paralyzed, one of them being squee. We'll see how it goes. Stay posted. 


	18. The Elephant in the Room

**People, kind people, have pointed out a discrepancy to me and I figured I'd fix it. Sorry it's been so long. My excuse...um joining the military tends to take over your life...and I'm on an Aircraft Carrier right now so...lol. FF.N is one of the only places I can go so I should be posting more often. I haven't given up on this story even though I have given up on Addek, does that make sense? I think it does. I like the fanfic Addek, I hate Derek on the show...anyhow on with this chapter. It's really short, but like I said it's to fix what I didn't notice before:)**

**

* * *

****Derek**

The impromptu house warming party that we'd had was a great success. I knew that Addison had fun, she had laughed a lot. I had missed her laugh. I found myself thinking about what Addison had told us when she'd had the gun to her head. I found myself thinking about it a lot actually.

She'd been pregnant with our child.

How could that be when early in our marriage we'd been told that she was incapable of carrying a child? Her level of fertility was low; it wasn't in the realm of impossible just extremely…unlikely. She'd told her parents that she was incapable of having children, that it wasn't possible. Hadn't she told them about the child that we'd lost?

"Penny for your thoughts," I hear softly.

I look up to see Addison beside me with a curious look on her face.

Should I tell her? Then I remember the promise to always tell each other everything no matter what.

"I was thinking about our baby."

I see Addison swallow and look away.

"You didn't tell your parents that you'd been pregnant."

Addison blinked, "I didn't think I needed to add to their burden. They'd just learned I'd been shot in the head. I thought that was enough."

"I understand…I just…I don't understand how you were pregnant. I didn't think it was possible."

Addison clenches her teeth together for a moment and I see a flash of pain across her face. This is really painful for her and I'm almost tempted to tell her never mind but I need to know the answer to that.

"I didn't think so either," comes out in a strangled whisper, "I'd thought it was the miracle that was going to bring us together. That…that it was the universe's way of…"

I put a hand to her lips to stop her stream of words and brush the tears out of her eyes. I watched as she reached up and brushed the tears that I hadn't realized were coursing down my cheeks.

"I wanted our baby Derek," she says and I move so I'm kneeling in front of her, "When I woke up and saw the looks of the people I worked with everyday I knew…I knew that we'd lost our…son."

A sob escaped me at hearing that last word. A son, we were going to have a son. Addison leaned toward me and I am in her arms in an instant as we cried together.

"You would have made an amazing father Derek."

I hear this against my ear and I hold on to Addison tighter.

"Did they…can you still…"

Addison pulls away from me, "The odds are still unlikely," she says wiping at her eyes, "There is a lot more scar tissue than there was before. There is still that chance that we can get our miracle."

"You're my miracle," I whisper.

She gives me a wobbly smile in return.

"I was wondering when you'd ask me those questions," Addison says straightening in her chair a little, "I was a little afraid of answering it."

I caressed the side of her face with my hand and smiled as she leaned into my touch, "You never have to be afraid of telling me anything."

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"It's okay Adi. I understand why you didn't tell me."

She gives me a beautiful smile in return.

The End

* * *

**Are you kidding? I'd be out of my mind to end it there. Especially when I promised squee. That's still a few chapters off though, I want to do them justice you know? Feedback is heaven.**


	19. At Last Part 1

I have an interesting fact to give to those that don't believe it's possible for a nine year old to have a child. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, as well as other reputable sources, the youngest docuemented mother was in fact five years old. It's possible depending on the development of your ovaries and when your menstraul cycle occurs. It's also possible not to be able to have children after you'd already had children. Things can happen, especially if you had a child that early in life. Other things like drug side effects, acciedents, and just plane ol' sterility can also occur. I don't wish to offend anyone who thought otherwise but before stating that things aren't possible it might be wise to back that claim up.

If you are all sitll with me, lol, sorry it took so long for the next chapter. It's here now and I hope it is enjoyed! Feedback is the spice of life.

Um...a small warning that this fic is a little...whats the right word...honest than I normally am when it comes to sex or...stuff...you'll see. Just take that into consideration. Okay...now you can read it!

* * *

Six months later…

**Addison**

Things had been going so well for Derek and me as I'd steadily been recovering from my ordeal and learning that my brother was my son fathered by my own father. Derek had been so patient with me, especially in areas of the bedroom. I kept telling him that I wasn't ready but that wasn't true.

Derek tells me that sex isn't everything and he didn't get together with me because of the sex but I know different. I know he loves me and that a relationship can't be based on sex but it was something we had always done well together. We'd been through a lot together to give up one another.

Other than agonizing over the whole sex thing my life had been quite interesting. I hung out with my son and my newfound Aunt. I also found a deep and abiding friendship in Preston Burke. When he and Cristina ended, rather mutually, he was in a great need to spend time with an adult, a non intern.

I was happy to help him on this account and we would go to movies, making running commentary on everything that was happening until people started throwing things at us. That was fun. Other times we'd hang out in my living room drinking wine and eating cheese talking about our childhoods. Well he talked about his childhood as mine was kind of hell until the Montgomery's took me in.

Derek, as was bound to happen, got a little jealous of this. I think he was more jealous of the fact that Preston liked me and he still wouldn't call Derek anything but Shepherd. I found it quite amusing. My amusement always causes Derek to scowl at me and I find the look he gives me entirely too cute.

In these last months I had also realized that the nightmares of the shooting and the subsequently the ones from my own abuse weren't going to go away unless I talked to someone that had also been through it. I didn't want to burden Derek with my pain. He says that it's not a burden for him to for me to tell him about the dreams, about my pain.

It's not right now at least. I don't want there to be some point down the line where Derek would begin to resent me for dumping my pain on him. With the help of Preston and Callie we found a support group for me to attend. It was a group of people who had been paralyzed, like me, by various types of violence.

I'd found the group nearly four months ago but hadn't gotten the courage up to go to it till the last couple of months. I found that it was exactly what I needed. I realized in hearing other's talk, in the telling of my story that I'd been holding in a lot of guilt for a very long time.

They'd wanted to know where the rest of may pain came from, the group, for the shooting left me with very little guilt or regret other than the fact that I can't walk and I'm missing so many memories.

So I'd told them of my childhood, of my pain, my captivity. I told them of the night my father had turned on his family and how I'd been the only one to survive. _Survivor's Guilt_. This is what they'd told me. I felt a sense of guilt for surviving, for not doing something to help my mother or my brother, even though I was a child myself.

With this knowledge and finally letting go of the guilt that I'd kept at bay, the nightmares had ended and the peace that came was something I'd never known before. It was exhilarating in its freedom.

I was actually sitting in a meeting right now listening to Ana Swift, who was paralyzed from a car accident talk about the spasms that she'd been having in her back. I'd had that happen a few times, they are quite excruciating in their agony. When Ana was done talking she'd turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow.

"What," I asked, "I have nothing new to report."

Ana had smiled at me in a way I found utterly suspicious, "Have you had sex with that gorgeous husband of yours yet?"

This question caused me to blush deeply and look down at my hands.

"Don't tease the woman," Rachel Cent says, "Don't listen to her Addison. It takes as long as it takes to get up the courage to be intimate again."

With a sigh I decide to jump right in, figuratively speaking of course, as they'd already launched into my sex life anyhow, "I'm just…afraid that I won't feel it and Derek is going to be disappointed."

"Addison I've seen the way that man is around you. Nothing you do can ever disappoint him," Ana says

"That's what he says too," I tell them as it was the truth

"Then you should believe him," Alan Smithton speaks up, "I know it's different between men and woman but my wife told me that as well and she wasn't disappointed."

"_She _could feel you though," Andrew Quinn says, "Even if you couldn't feel her."

Alan nods, "Well yeah."

"See that's what I'm afraid of," I say, 'That I wouldn't even feel anything."

"You don't have a catheter right?"

"No."

"And you have control over bowel movements?"

"Yes."

Where were they going with this?

"That's more control than I have and I can feel sex," Rachel says just barely stopping herself from blushing

I frown at that. _Control._ From the moment that I woke up with no feeling in my legs I had control over my bowel function and I did feel when I had to go to the bathroom. That was a big step in knowing whether or not one would be able to feel sex. Andrew being the levelheaded one had to go and put a damper on my hope.

"But you were paralyzed in an entirely different way then Red here was," he says calling me by the nickname they'd all taken to calling me, "Hers was brain damage while yours was the result of a sustained injury to your back."

Andrew gets paper cups chucked at his head for this comment.

"What," he declared throwing up his arms, "I'm only stating a fact."

"Andrew's right," I say, "My paralysis was caused by brain damage. There's no telling what would happen."

The youngest in the group, a girl named Tiana Fields, who is eighteen speaks up, "You know a way to test if you can feel anything without facing the possible disappointment of sex with your husband?"

"What," I ask

She smirks, "Dildo."

This stuns all of us into silence causing the young girl to laugh.

"I'm serious. It's a way to see if you can feel anything and you can do it by yourself so…"

It _was _a good idea. Really good in fact.

"The girl with the green hair makes a point," Ana says smiling good naturally at Tiana, "Unless you object to it of course."

"No," I say, "She does make a valid point. I'm surprised that I didn't think of it myself."

"Letting the fear guide you," Tiana states in all her wisdom

"I can't take you seriously now with the hair," I say to Tiana laughing

She rolls her eyes, "I was testing it out."

"I liked the purple personally," Rachel says with a smile

Tiana smiles, "I'm thinking about red," she says turning to me

"Like red, red or red like mine," I ask

"Like yours."

I can't help but smile, "I think that would look good on you."

"So you're going to do the dildo thing," Tiana asks changing topics as she often does, "Because somehow I can't picture you going into a sex shop. Too classy and all."

"What is she already has one," Margie Halls says with a grin

"Still can't imagine it."

"I'm sure I have someone that owes me a favor."

"That's some favor you'd be calling in," Rachel laughs

I so enjoy being with these people. We meet twice a week, more if someone is having a crisis and the meetings last for an hour. Or that's as long as they are _supposed _to last. We usually end up going over two hours just talking and laughing. As the meeting ends Tiana comes out with me as the two of us had become grand friends.

"Who are you going to get to buy you the thing," Tiana asks

"I was thinking about asking Preston to do it."

Tiana laughs so hard she is practically crying at me saying I'm going to have the straight-laced Preston Burke get me a dildo.

"I'm serious though."

She wipes away the tears and turns to me, "How are you going to get him to do that?"

"Blackmail," I say with a straight face

Tiana smiles, "You have _got _to let me be there when you ask him."

"I'll see what I can do."

It had been pure bravado when I told Tiana that I was going to get Preston to get my…thing for me. I can't ask the man to do that for me. Could I? Preston always told me that he'd do anything for me but I'm sure he wasn't thinking this when he said _anything_. I was contemplating this as I was reading a book in the apartment.

I started when I heard the doorbell ring.

"Come in," I shouted

The door was pushed open and Preston Burke stuck his head around the door, "Can I come in?"

"You can always come in," I smile

He comes in shutting the door behind him.

"And spare me the lecture on locking the door," I say knowing that he was about to launch into that, "This building has a doorman anyhow."

He smiles and sat down across from me but not before giving me a kiss on the cheek, "How's it going Montgomery?"

I roll my eyes as this is the name that Preston has taken to calling me, "Everything is fine."

"You have something on your mind," he asks giving me a raised eyebrow

"What makes you say that?"

"You're fidgeting. You always fidget when you have an important question to ask or something that you don't want to say."

I looked down at my hands and I was indeed fidgeting. With a conscious effort I stilled my hands.

"Seems like something big."

"I want to ask you something but I don't know exactly ho to go about it. I need for you to buy me something."

"You know I'd do anything for you," Preston says with all the sincerity in his heart

I clear my throat, "You may regret telling me that."

His puzzled expression almost causes for me to laugh. As I attempt to say what I've been trying to ask I find that I can't actually voice the words. With a roll of my eyes at my own inadequacy I grab the pad of paper from the inside pocket of my chair and scribble down my note handing it to Preston.

He reads the note and looks up at me in shock.

"You want me to buy you a…"

"Yes," I say

"Why?"

"I'm ready to…be intimate with Derek but I need to know if I can even feel it without facing the disappointment of actually going ahead with the sex and not…"

Preston holds up a hand, "I get it."

"Someone in the group today mentioned this, a way for me to test out, by myself where only my disappointment could be faced."

Preston frowns in the way he does when he's considering something.

"You will owe me so big for this."

I smile widely, "That means you'll do it?"

Preston sighs dramatically, "Yes, I'll do it."

* * *

**Preston**

How was I going to walk into a sex shop and by a dildo for my best friend? How? This question came to me as I entered said sex shop and stated to look around. I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me, not that anything was wrong with what they might think but that's not me.

I must have looked particularly lost for the young punk kid I saw working behind the counter came over to me.

"Can I help you man?"

Inwardly I sighed. When in Rome.

"Yeah man," I start, "See my girl says she wants to try something different in the bedroom you know?"

He nods his head with a smirk.

"I ask her what she wants to do and she says it's up to me. Can you believe that? She's willing to do anything that _I _want to do."

"Wow man this sounds like an amazing chick."

I deserve an Oscar for this performance. I nod gravely to what he said.

"See I'm a guy and every guy has this fantasy," the punk kid was nodding with understanding as I spoke

"Backdoor," he says

"Exactly," I say, "but I decided I wanted to make it even better for my girl. See it's my fantasy so I want to go in the backdoor but I also wanted something different. I'm not inviting another guy cause I don't swing that way and I _definitely _don't share."

I see the light bulb go off in this guys head and he holds up a finger and directs me to another aisle. This aisle is full of dildos of every shape, size and color. Wow. The guy turns and eyes me for a moment.

"I'm assuming we want it to be around the same size you are."

This guy wants my size?

"About nine inches will do," I say trying to keep in character as I don't want to think about what size Shepherd is.

The guy gives me a grin, "Yeah, I can see it."

I frowned at that. I got what I required and the punk kid through in a couple scented candles for free and I left from what was decidedly one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, although it was kind of fun. I knew I should have been an actor instead of a doctor.

"Hey dude do you have a picture of your girl?"

This is what the kid asks me as I'm paying. I already had my wallet out and flipped to a picture that Addison, Callie and I had taken the week before.

"The redhead," I say, "The other is one of our friends."

"The redhead is hot," the guys whose name I learned was Skip said with a smile, "So it the other one. Now if you could have gotten her to join you that would have been something."

Oh that put bad ideas in my head that I don't need to be thinking about.

"Yeah," I say, "Thanks."

I grab the bag and leave the shop and make my way as quickly as possible to Addison's place hoping I don't run into anyone I know in the process.

* * *

**Addison **

I've been waiting patiently for Preston to return by busying myself with work. Okay so I'm not waiting very patiently but I am trying to work. I have turned over most of my practice and patients to Izzie and Alex (who I found had quite the aptitude for obstetrics) and am finding myself with little to do but the paperwork.

I've always wanted to be a doctor, part of it wanting to save lives as I was not able to earlier in my life. I saw what man could do to another and I felt that working with children, babies would be better on my soul. I've been a doctor for so long I never considered anything else for me to do.

I can still remain a doctor but I found since my shooting that the excitement, the passion I had has vanished to be replaced by a dull ache, a deep sadness. I can't be a doctor anymore if I'm to be happy. I haven't run this by Derek yet but he has to know on some level as I've slowly been giving control over to my first years.

I turn my attention to the journal lying in my lap. I've been writing in a journal since I can remember. I have dozens upon dozens of journals. Derek doesn't understand why I just don't put them on the computer and I always tell him that writing down my thoughts helps me.

Something Derek had said to me comes back to me as I'm thinking. He had been looking at a pile of journals that were full, front cover to back cover and he'd jokingly told me that I should have been a writer.

A writer.

That idea really does appeal to me. Before I can delve too far into that particular can of worms there is a knock on the door.

"Come in."

The door opens and Preston enters carrying a bag to which he hands me.

"You shouldn't go in that shop, at least for a while because he might think that you and are I together," Preston smiles

"Why might he think that?"

"I might have insinuated it in my Oscar worthy performance earlier."

I raise an eyebrow, "Oscar worthy?"

"It occurred to me as I entered the shop that I, a single man, was going into a sex shop to buy a dildo."

Ah…ooh. I understand.

"The guy that works behind the register asked if he could help and I launch into this story about how my girl told me we could try something new in the bedroom and how she had said it was up to me to decide. Every guy, whether he admits it or nit, has this fantasy…"

"The anal sex one," I supply

Preston nods, "Exactly. I say since it was my fantasy I wanted to go in the backdoor but I wasn't inviting another guy because I didn't share and that I still needed a little something, something."

"And let me guess he suggested this," I say opening the bag

"Bingo."

"Why though, would he think that I'm with you?"

Preston gives me his full watt smile, "He asked to see my girl and the only picture I had was the one you, me and Callie took last week. Since I was buying this for you, I said you."

I couldn't help but laugh at this as that was indeed priceless.

"He suggested we invited Callie."

That was it and I let loose in a fit of giggles at the absurdity of the situation, "Oh my god that is too funny."

Preston is laughing softly too, "But you still owe me so big."

"Even though you had fun?"

"Even then."

I just smiled.

"I should get going unless you need for me to buy you something else."

"No I don't need anything else," I say with a smile, "Lunch tomorrow. I have an idea I want to run past you."

Preston nods coming over to the couch where I'm sitting and bends down to give me a hug.

"Lunch sounds good. You want me to put you in your chair before I go?"

I look up and smile at him at the gesture as sometimes I don't have the energy to lift myself into the chair. I nod my head and reach up my hands to put them around his neck as he lifts me into my chair that was next to the couch.

"Thank you Preston," I say when he straightens

"Don't mention it and when I say don't mention it I mean anything that went on here in the last couple hours."

I laugh again, "On my honor."

He rolls his eyes as he knows I'm going to tell the group about this. When Preston leaves the apartment I wheel myself and my package to the bathroom and run a bath. As the water is running I take the item out of the box and set it on the side of the tub and begin to remove my clothes. I figure the water will help with the lubrication and it's not like I'm going to turn the damn thing on.

Once I'm in the tub I soak for a few minutes before grabbing the dildo and putting it at my entrance. With a heaving breath and shaky hands I pushed it in about an inch, gasping at the sensation.

I felt it.

Pulling the dildo out of me I toss it to the floor and lean back against the tub holding my hands to my face. I freaking felt it. Now all I had to do was tell Derek.

I smiled.

* * *

Okay so that freaked me out to write, the part about the dildo. I think I'm kind of repressed. Just a thought. Anyway, see now she knows that she can feel it so you know what that means...yup yup. Next chapter is At Last Part Deux, which hopefully will come soonish. 


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